Sunday, January 16, 2011

Frozen

No it isn't cold like "up north." My mind is frozen. I don't have any ideas today. I was going to write again about how some want to keep their money and some want to give it away. And we all know who will go to Heaven and who won't, right? Honestly, sure there are people who are more generous than others, but that isn't the issue. Some believe that handouts are not what the needy need. Or maybe a combination of handouts, education, and love. I don't know. I just don't like the assumption that "do gooding" is the only way that will give you a long healthy eternal life.

But I'm not going to write about that. I went to the posh Central Market today and looking longingly at the fish. I even put a can of tuna into my shopping cart, walked completely around the store, and then put it back. I tried to tell myself since the tuna was dead I wasn't killing it... then I realized that I was becoming a boor about not hurting my fair feathered and finned friends... so I wouldn't write about that.

Ok, no politics and no PETA... what is left? We have the kid from Tucson who smiled at inopportune moments. Sounded a little Zen to me... appreciating each moment for what it was. As opposed to the concept of the "decisive moment" maybe all moments, as all people, are worth their weight in gold, as the expression goes. I'm not sure that the really insane and the really sane wouldn't think the same thoughts. I had an insane friend who went through one episode where he believed he was Jesus. And I hear Zen priests tell us that we are buddha. Too close for comfort?

So enough for no ideas for the day. Tomorrow I take my brakes in for a recall (Honda this time), then zazen, then the start of my second series of tea ceremony classes. My wife asked why I would want to torture myself again (I'm a slow learner) and I said, "because tea is the most important thing you can do." Funny thing is... I don't even drink the stuff. Luckily, the host doesn't make tea for themselves... just for the guest.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

The Glass is Mostly Full


In today's Dharma talk the priest talked about the reaction of those who see the glass as half empty to those who see it has half full.

Having been working on a Zen journal on death and impermanence, I started wondering about my life. Is it half full or half empty? The years ahead of me... do they represent the water or the air? I wanted to figure this out before writing about it... but I didn't.

So what's my life... the glass? the water? Any ideas?

Sometimes the water evaporates. Sometimes the water spills.

Sometimes someone drinks the water. And sometimes the glass falls off the table.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Why Dentist Kill Themselves

So I've grown up (or at least tried) thinking that dentists regularly do themselves in. It is not true that they do it any more than anyone else. At least, no one has proved it. I think it is interesting that there are more suicides than murders. As a race (Human Race), we protect ourselves against murder, yet do we protect ourselves against suicide with the same passion? I saw a book tonight on the shelves at Goodwill... something like "One Minute for You." That should help someone gain or regain some sanity.

I had my hair cut today. There isn't very much, but it still feels good to have less. I was going to LA last haircut, so I had told Phyllis, my barber, that I was going to hold her responsible if I didn't get a lead role in a film. When I came today, she asked how I did and I said, "almost."

Today I asked her if she could give me a bad haircut. She was talking about how sometimes she gives bad haircuts, or at least the customers are dissatisfied. So I said I wanted a really bad cut. She said she wouldn't do that. I offered first $100, and then $1000... but she said that money isn't the issue, and that she doesn't do hair for the money anyway, but rather just to buy the necessities. But no way would she give me a bad haircut. I suggested that maybe I should go to someone who had never cut hair.

Then at dinner I asked my wife (a good potter) if she could make a pot like someone who had never made one. She said she couldn't. And then she said that if she was drunk and had one hand tied behind her back she might be able to do it.

Isn't it something that we work so hard to be good, and we lose our ability to be bad? Who can really make a child's drawing but a child. Though Jack Benny could sure play the violin like someone who couldn't. Anyone know anything about that?

One more thought. I've been thinking about how "Zen masters" are pretty regular people. They have the same anxieties and insecurities. Why? Doesn't their spiritual practice work? When I ask them (I guess I'm not shy) they always give the same answer... you should have seen me before. I'm looking for a spiritual practice that transforms all its practitioners. And instantly. Any recommendations?

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Chinese Goals for their Kids and Man with Pain

A young parent sent me this article, asking if she should raise her kids like this (in jest, I think). It talked about how Chinese parents insist on both straight "A"s and the study of either the violin or piano. I told her she was doing fine. But that gnawed on me. Don't we want our kids to excel? Then I started thinking that we do have high, but different expectations. I was reminded of Maslow's characteristics of self-actualizing people. So maybe all parents want their kids to succeed, but just in different ways. And maybe not. I've seen parents who don't want their kids to have more than they do, or to be any smarter. It is sad.

A man started talking to my neighbor and I this morning at our Mexican dive. After hearing me talk, he asked if I came from Illinois (which I did). As the conversation continued, he told us how 2010 was the worst year ever for him. I said, "maybe you'll have a year that is even worst than that." "No," he said, "I had 5 operations last year." And they were heavy duty operations, we soon discovered. I told him about about a much loved Zen priest, Darlene Cohen, who practiced with her pain for many years and helped others to do so. She had died yesterday, teaching others right up to the end. I asked the man if he appreciated life any more now after having these operations. He was caught off guard and said that he had not thought about that.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

What would Buddha do?

One of my sisters gave me a "What would Buddha do?" hat for my birthday. Earlier this evening I read a story about an interaction with Buddha's 8 year old son and Buddha. Buddha returned home after his 8 year journey and his son went after him for his inheritance. The son kept asking over and over again, until finally the Buddha saw that this was one persistent kid. So he invited the kid to follow him. The kid, leaving a palace of riches, had no idea what he was getting into. As we have no idea about a book by looking at its cover.

So 33 years ago we had this daughter who decided to get married (she's the book that doesn't quite look like what we imagined when we decided to have another kid). When my wife and I got married, we went down to city hall and tied the knot. Then we went out with our "witnesses" for a drink. I had a gin and tonic, which I suppose was my drink of choice in those days. Today my daughter showed me the colors of the tablecloths and napkins that will be at her wedding dinner. I saw a consummate craftswoman reminding me of two PBS programs on TV last night on the making of Steinway pianos and a second on making fine guitars. This kid of mine was intent on making the perfect wedding. And my wife and I volunteered to assemble the wedding invitations (believe me, it is more complicated than stuffing envelopes). I'm not complaining... just wondering if she's trying to make up for the wedding we didn't have.

This morning she told me her car wouldn't start, so I removed the battery and took it to a garage to be tested. It was bad, so I found the receipt from Sams. Well, the problem was that I was not a Sams member. So I joined Sams (in my mind on a trial basis) to see how they compared to Costco. I had been a Sams member for years in St. Louis but in Austin joined Costco. Costco is thriving, bustling, and has name brands for many of their items. Sams appeared to be 1 breath away from the grave. I couldn't believe the difference in two warehouse stores blocks away. Perhaps in other places Sams is better, but the north store in Austin is sad indeed.

Hey, I found cans of pinto beans which, added to some homemade carrot soup, spinach, and brown rice made a delicious dinner (with a little salt, pepper, and hot sauce). And I got the new battery, without even a carrying strap. So can I complain?

So what would the Buddha do in today's world? Would he read mail? Would he drive a car? Would he join Sams? I know two people here who have taken vows of poverty. And they are very peaceful souls. They don't need Sams. They just need enough food for the next meal. And the rest of us? Our needs extend way beyond the warehouse stores.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

More worry...

My friend wrote that China becoming more innovative than America is a problem worth worrying about. I disagreed (I've pretty much disagreed with all his worries for about 40 years).

Imagine if Texas was more innovative that California... would we worry about that? We should celebrate innovation wherever it occurs, and find what we can do that no one else does (worry?) Besides, the competition is always healthy. When Russia was so far ahead in science didn't that spur us on.

Look how Paris was the center of the art world not so many years ago, until New York and California showed up on the map. Let's hope innovation is alive and well, where ever it is. Worrying is pathological.

Kim

Full story at http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/01/11/ces_ceo_confab/print.html

"The leaders of Cisco, GE, and Xerox are worried that the US is losing
its competitive edge, and that it's high time to stop grandstanding and
do something about it.

"I'm optimistic, but I think that's partly because that's in my DNA, but
I think we're at an inflection point, unfortunately," warned Cisco
chairman and CEO John Chambers, who shared a panel with the similarly
titled Ursula Burns of Xerox and Jeffrey Immelt of GE at the Consumer
Electronics Show in Las Vegas.

That inflection point, in Chambers' view, refers to whether the US will
go forward or slip back, because the country is not only being
challenged by other economies, but also because in its education and
immigration policies, it's shooting itself in the foot.

"I would not give us such a good grade as I'd like to see in terms of
being an innovator five to ten years out," said Chambers. "We're still
leading, but our leadership is shrinking."

Immelt agreed. "As a country, the rest of the world is moving faster
than we are," he said. "The world's not standing still; China's not
standing still."

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Forgive me, Mother, for I have sinned.

Sometime in the 70s I went to my parents' house for Thanksgiving dinner. They lived in Chicago and we lived in St. Louis. After dinner we left to drive back to St. Louis. My mom was very hurt because I didn't say thank you, so she, seeing this as a "teachable moment," had Marshall Fields send me a copy of Amy Vanderbilt's and Emily Post's etiquette books. I thought that they were silly books, so I returned them to Fields and had her charge account credited. Now I was really ungrateful in her mind.

In my mind, I had led myself to believe, all these years, that my actions were justified because I was in tremendous pain due to an impacted wisdom tooth.

Today I went to a talk about saying "yes." Do you know people who say "yes" and others who say "no." Who do you want as friends? (The speaker didn't say that... I did.) Anyway, in the talk we were asked to describe a situation where we had said "yes" and I thought of how I said "no" to my mom by not thanking her. If I could have, I would have called her right then and apologized.

So mother, this wasn't the only time in my life that I wasn't nice to someone. I once hurt (euphemism) a goldfish too... and I threw a rock at Rodney and hit him in the face. Each time (I wish that was the extent of my bad deeds) I came up with elaborate rationalizations to justify my actions. The goldfish was the victim of a scientific experiment, Rodney was playing with us and we didn't want him to, and my tooth hurt. See... I did nothing wrong. Or so I thought.

I've mentioned before the wonderful aphorism by the Zen teacher Reb Anderson: "walk on the Earth as if it is your mother's face." I had first heard that a few years ago... but today, after the dharma talk, I tried to do it... literally. Wow, it is hard. For one thing, you need to focus on each step. And for another, you need to step very gently.

So where do I go from here? The goldfish is long gone. My friend who participated with me in its demise is now an attorney or banker in Chicago. I could write him and ask him if he even remembers our "experiment." Rodney is an attorney, I believe, in Portland, Oregon. Dare I contact him or would he sue me for child abuse? And my mom... she's mostly scattered in the Pacific... though a little bit of her is here and there... but it is basically too late.

The Earth. She still needs some gentle footsteps. Maybe I can focus on that?

Who's in the world?

Xiushan said, "What can you do about the world?" Dizang said, "What do you call the world?"