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Last week I mentioned a few moral dilemmas. One was the bystander who could save five lives by throwing one man onto some tracks.

I remember that.

Did the man object?

He didn't have time. The trolley hit him, and stopped.

So are we now done with moral dilemmas.

Yes. I started to realize that the heart is more important than the action.

That's dumb.

Probably. I keep thinking about eating a dumb piece of celery. It is one thing to eat it with disregard. And another to eat it with thanks. So eating it is not the point. Thanking it is.

So is that why you woke me up?

No. I wanted to say something else.

Is that why you wait just long enough before talking that I fall asleep again?

Look. If I dribble, you complain. And if I take time to think, you complain. Maybe we ought to call it quits?

Oh, I'm up now. What do you want to say?

Well, I'll sometimes meet someone and they'll say that they've been reading my blog for years and that they've enjoyed it... but they've never commented.

Well, what's wrong with that?

It kind of makes a lonely world. It is like not telling the celery that you appreciate her gift to you.

Celery is dead. What does it matter?

It does. But I'm now talking about people responding. I'm telling you how I'd like to get on my knees and tell them... "I'd love to hear what you are thinking. I don't know what is going on in your head." And if they are one of the responders... that I appreciate that beyond anything... and if, in the end, they really want to be silent, I appreciate that too. Even if they just put "like" or "dislike" in FB... that is helpful.

Ok, is that it for today.

Yea. (pause) Oh... today I hope to pass 20,000 hits on this blog.

Is that it?

(pause)... Yes.

Vote Against Prop. 19 (Legalization of Pot)

You have got to be kidding. How can you be against Prop. 19?

It takes a bad situation and makes it worse.

But what about all the people in prison for smoking a joint?

I agree that is a waste of resources. But why do we think that creating any law to solve a problem is better than no law?

Won't Prop. 19 earn California needed revenue?

I doubt it. They will have to hire countless people to regulate pot. And now the courts will be filled with people who don't follow the law. And jails will continue to be filled.

Maybe. But why can't we just pass the law and then next year pass a better one.

Amending laws never have the same effect. Look at the income tax regulations. Every time they get amended we spend more time doing taxes rather than doing business.

So what's wrong with the proposition, anyway?

First, it makes it illegal to sell to anyone under twenty-one. Now we'll have new criminals who sold to someone under twenty-one. That is going to be a fertile market. And I can sell to the kids at an increased market-up to compensate me for my greater risk... or I can buy illegal drugs (less safe?) and put the youngsters at risk.

Oh, I see that. But do you want kids getting high?

Not really. But they are getting high now. What is the difference?

So, what else?

Well, Prop. 19 makes the state government much bigger... and more expensive to run. Under the guise of "freedom," when government gets bigger it really takes away our freedoms.

How come?

Well, for starters, the more we work to pay taxes, the less discretionary income we have.

But this is a good cause.

I'm not sure. You know that the worst chemicals in tobacco are not the nicotine, but rather the toxins from the burning of leaves. The same toxins occur in pot.

Yea... but what about alcohol... that isn't good for us either.

That's another post.

So what do you propose?

Simply to take pot off the list of illegal drugs...

You have got to be kidding.

No. We already have plenty of laws that could be used when one person is endangering another (or their property)... or even when someone is selling something harmful. We need less laws, not more.

Oh...

Buddha killed the Pirates?

The Buddha killed a band of pirates. What is that about?

No, it was in one of his previous lives, as told in the Jakata stories.

That's against the vows, isn't it?

Maybe. The Buddha-to-be knew that the pirates were going to sink the ship and kill all the passengers.

So the Buddha killed the pirates to save the passengers?

Apparently not. He was worried about the karmic consequences for the pirates if they were to go through with their plan.

But what about his own karmic consequences for taking a life?

He was willing to forego those to protect the pirates.

So he killed the pirates to save them?

I guess so. Hope he never wants to save me.

Do you have any evil plans?

Not any more.

Moral Dilemmas 101

So help me out here.

What's wrong now?

You told me about the trolley car, out of control, ready to run over five people.

Yes, that happens every day.

And so the driver, if she could, switches the tracks and the train now runs over only one person.

Right. The driver made a wise choice. Sacrificing one life to save five.

The more difficult dilemma is for the bystander. Does he throw a person onto the tracks to stop the trolley, given if he doesn't, five people will die?

Or maybe he feels that not doing anything is ok?

That's really the issue for me. Is it ok to do nothing?

I don't know. I remember when the man was beat up on the subway tracks in NYC and people just stood around. Imagine if we had laws against inactivity.

Yea... you don't jump in the pool to save the kid... then you could go to jail.

Or you don't learn CPR.

Or... you buy an expensive house rather than a cheap house, thereby diverting money from starving children.

Or... you don't take out a big life insurance policy before throwing yourself infront of the trolley, thereby eliminating a giant good deed to those in need. Is that acceptable and compassionate behavior?

Stay tuned to the next episode of Moral Dilemmas 101

You're too close

You're too close

For me, or for you?

That's just what I mean. Why can't you just say, "yes" and then move away?

Would the reason make any difference?

Of course. Not really.

Let's get back to this "you're just too close."

Fine. When someone says that, it is time to move away.

I know my limitations. I know that I have a tendency to clutch and then slip.

That is your problem.

Yes, and since we are together, it is your problem too.

Now you are really projecting. I'm quite comfortable with our distance.

Eeks... Now I'm really getting worried.

Me tooooooooooooo......

Later, in Segway heaven.

Sure glad we were able to come together.

Yea, I don't want some rookie riding me.

I didn't mean that.

?

Lots of territory to explore here.

Lots of time, though.

Most of my friends are here.

Did they get too close too?

Much later, in God's chambers.

What is that thing you are standing on, my son?

It is a Segway, Mr. God. It is used on Earth to get people from point a to point b.

I gave them legs.

Yes, but through many years of misuse and abuse, they don't work that well.

So you are dependent on a couple of wheels driven by lithium-ion batteries?

Yes.

So why don't you move?

Can't find a place to plug it in.

Sorry about that. So sorry. Maybe now you can learn to walk.

Dedicated to Jimi Heselden, Segway CEO, who road over a cliff 9/26/10.

One sided conversation with Phillipa Foot, RIP

You're up awfully early.

And you're asleep.

You really think we can have a meaningful conversation?

I can try? Who is it that gives our conversations meaning?

Huh?

So here's what I want to discuss?

Shh...

Listen, you told me shh last night. You get one shh every twenty-four hours.

Why?

It is Texas.

Oh. Shoot. But make it quick.

No promises.

Do you realize I fall asleep over and over again?

Yea.

And then get woked. Or is it waked? In any case, the Chinese could hire your as a torture chamber.

This is important.

I said shoot. And... make it fast.

Well, I'm going to ride a Segway today. And I want to know if I lose control and run into a crowd, should I aim for a spot with the least number of people?

Of course. Unless you are overly concerned with the latest census.

Now... if you were a trolley car driver, and your trolley brake was busted and you were barreling down the track, and you could either kill five people, or pull the switch and go down another track and kill one... what would you do?

Oh... this is torture. I'm not a trolley car driver... but if I was and you were the one...

Funny. One more question and you'll get my point. Or not.

Shoot. Aim for my head or the heart, please.

You are a surgeon. You have six patients, five of whom are dying and need a critical and different transplant. And you have one (healthy) patient who has all the needed organs. Unfortunately, he (or she) could not live without them. Would you kill one patient to save five?

Are you the one patient?

(Dedicated to Philippa Foot, great moral philosopher.)

You Don't Love Me

You shouldn't have turned there. You never remember the way.

You don't love me.

Is it that apparent?

Sometime you hide it rather well.

Like when I do your stinky laundry?

Yes, then, and when you cook omelets.

And that's it. I do those two things just to throw you off.

And it works most of the time. But, by now, I learned to see right through you.

I saw right through you from the day you put twigs in my mud pie.

You were four then. I guess that's why you made me go home... And told me you'd never be my friend.

So you married me for my money.

I was 36 and the time clock was clicking and despite your obnoxious behavior I though of all the possible mates, you probably had the best genes.

You should have gone to the sperm bank.

That's about the best idea you've ever had.

I think we are just about there. Around that curve we'll see the ocean.

I so love it when we go on vacation.

Me too. And get a break from the brats and our work.

Yea...

The Wise Ass Buddha

Mr. Buddha, I've been a total failure.

Tell me more, monk.

My mind wanders, I don't learn the chants, I get angry and impatient and selfish. Need I say more?

No, do not say more.

Can you tell me one thing I could do to cure my ways?

I could.

Will ya?

Yes.

Now?

Sure. Just master your mind.

Easier said than done.

But it is one thing, as you asked, you goof-ball.

Who is it that should master my mind?

Don't play any of those zen games on me. It isn't important.

What kind of Buddha are you? First you say, "master your mind" and
then when I ask who should do the work, you say it isn't important.

To be truthful, I'm not a very good Buddha. I know of no truths or paths
that you do not need to find yourself.

So can you point me to a better Buddha?

Sure, look in the mirror.

Who taught you those wise ass answers?

I see your impatience and anger. Why don't you go off into a cave for nine years and work on your mind.

My mind. Where is my mind?

Go into the cave, and your mind will follow you. Then master it, watching it as it gets lost over and over again.

And who watches it?

You'll find someone, don't worry.

And then what?

That will be enough...

LoseIt

I started my diet today.

And yesterday, and the day before.

No, I really did it today. My intentions were solid.

Solid? That's a new one.

Yea, I use this iphone app called LoseIt.

I think you've LostIt.

Hey, let me explain.

I'm listening.

Ok, I was getting impatient with my progress, so I set my goal up to 2 lbs a week from 1.5 lbs a week.

That sounds ambitious.

Too. I couldn't get my calories down for more than one day. I'd just be hungry... you know... ready to eat aannyytthhiinngg.

Ok... then what.

Well, I started out today with my normal taco breakfast at the local Mexican restaurant. A couple of corn tortillas, beans, avocado, and rajas. 250 calories.

Hey, this is getting boring.

No... wait... it gets better.

I didn't get home from breakfast until about 11 am... so I just had peanut butter on a cracker for lunch.

I said this is getting boring.

Shh... Then I went to the market to buy some bananas. I forgot until I got there how many free samples they had. I thought this would just strengthen my character... to walk past potato chips, great cheese and crackers, and hibiscus tea.

But you have willpower, right?

Ya know, as I came into the market, my first thought was that I should have had the sailors tie me to the mast... but then I thought I'm strong... and I'm really into this diet today... and those food sirens won't tempt me.

Wait... what is wrong with hibiscus tea? There can't be any calories to that.

Well, that's what I thought. Especially when I noticed that the woman demonstrating the tea was blind. Blind people don't lie... right?

Never. I've never been lied to by a blind person.

Right. So I drank the tea and told her how good it tasted.

And...

She replied that she had a secret.

We all have secrets. What else is new?

No... a secret about the tea. She confessed that she had added apple juice and agave to it.

No... that's criminal... you could have been diabetic and...

Yea... but worse, I was off the wagon. Off... way off. Went to those potato chips that were free and had a handful... then to the cheese... then to the organic cheerios.

That isn't too bad.

Until I came to the free Henry's frozen custard.

You have got to be kidding.

No... I thought... what can one cup of coffee custard set me back?

How was it?

Great.

Were you done?

I thought so. I saw some mint and asked her about it. She said it was mint with chocolate chip but that all the chips are gone. Who wants mint custard just by itself?

What happened to those poor chips?

She said she didn't know.

And then?

Then she scooped out another cup and there were two beady eyed chips looking right at me.

Don't tell me you ate that too.

Yea...

So what's next?

Tomorrow...

In 99 Years

Her gray hair was thin,
tired of many years
of endless
combing and brushing.

The silvered strands
were expertly cut—
they could not have been
better cared for,
considering her
age.

She smiled for the lens.
Her mouth formed
a polished camera
facial expression.

She had been
on that side
of the lens
many times before—
it was apparent

as she was able to combine
a wry suspicion
with a pseudo-authentic smile,
making it all seem pleasing in the end.

There was a hard,
Eastern-European texture
to her face.

She had not chosen mud
and other beauty facial treatments,
rather had lived an adventurous
yet privileged life.

Her smile said
"I've seem much of life
in 99 years, and,
now it is yours
to enjoy and tend."

She work a black scarf
wrapped around her neck,
giving some dimension
to her very small body.

That sat onto
a poka-dotted shawl,
which was inside,
and partially covered by
another larger shawl,
laced with gold thread.

Her forearms and hands
emerged
from the third shawl.

The arms were larger
than one might expect
coming from
such a petit figure.

These (almost workman) arms,
as familiar
gardening
as editing books,
laid one upon
the other
in a warm gesture.

There was no tension,
but the weight of one arm
on the other
seemed a little more
than she could bear

causing her smile
now to tighten and
not seem
quite as relaxed
as her face
first suggested.

Her skirt exhibited
a similar
but darker dot pattern
to the smaller of the two shawls.

Her legs
appeared to be tired,
at 99,
as they struggled to
hold up her arms,

with dignity,
as a pedestal holds
tirelessly
a death mask.

Goodbye, dear aunt.

Beautiful creature

This strange creature was pecking away at something.
Is it a turkey?
It had the most magnificent pattern on its feathers.
Where else but Austin would it be wandering about on its own?

Allergic to Work

The tall lanky Italian with greasy black hair and a day's growth on his face grunted when the American couple came to his dad's restaurant. "No seats," he said in broken English that might have been the entire extend of his English vocabulary.

"But, you have no customers... look, no one's here."

"No seats, no reser va tions," he asserted sharply, fumbling over the largest word in English that he knew, and not caring for the American's logic.

He then walked into the back room to sit down and finish his glass of wine.

"Who was that?" his dad asked.

"Just a couple of Americanos... we don't need them."

"Don't need them... you want some gas money for that car of yours?"

His dad was a smaller and fatter version of the lanky Italian. In place of the black hair was a polished skull. The father's face turned red as he realized that his son was allergic to work.

The couple walked out, with the tall man remarking to the short woman, "you know, this is why I love traveling to foreign countries... you are treated like s...t."

"Perhaps this just isn't the restaurant for us," the short woman consoled. "Remember, there are two other restaurants in the town... maybe we'll have better luck with one of them."

The Italian man and his father continued to argue. The American couple could hear them as they walked away.

Battlecry of the Supermarket

Hey Buddy, you have eleven items on the check out belt. Can't you read? It says clearly... very clearly... ten items or less.

Yes, can you count? Do you see that I have a pair of chicken legs. That has got to count as one. One chicken. One. Got it. One.

No way, Buddy. An item is an item. And my meter is running. You want to pick up your stuff or you want to see what this fist feels like on your fat face.

Hey, the manager saw what I had in my cart and told me to get in this line. He obviously knows that chickens have two legs.

Just like people are supposed to have one brain? Maybe the manager needs to go back to school as well.

Oh, here he comes now.

What's up boys?

Didn't you tell me to get in this line?

Why yes, I did.

Hey, Mr. Boss, can't you count? He has eleven items. What are rules for? What are laws for? Why did I fight in your damn blasted war? Why do I carry this piece?

Men are clueless...

Some men are clueless.

He told me that I'd be so excited.

Why?

He said that he was worried, when he got an occlusal (not ocular!) guard to prevent grinding his teeth at night, he wouldn't be able to talk to me when I'm trying to fall asleep.

Oh... I'm so glad you'll be able to wake me up over and over again, like a Chinese torture, but worse.

Does your guy talk and talk at night? Where do they get that energy?

It isn't energy. It is left-over small anti-brain production. You are lucky that you don't get it all day long.

Paralysis by Analysis

The NYTimes had an article about Andrew Cuomo this am where he was accused of "paralysis by analysis." Milton Friedman said at one time that we don't make better decisions after about ten minutes of deliberation. My dad said "you can't move too slowly." A week later, when I told him that I shared that with my students and they were having trouble understanding it, he said, "I never heard anything so stupid."

So we are back to the Buddhist skepticism about "views" as something that takes us away from experiences. We used to call that "prejudice." If I think I don't like Jackson Pollock's paintings, and I happen on one that I've never seen... will I be open to it? No, of course not.

The worst thing about analysis (especially the kind that goes on and on) is that we never become comfortable with our decisions. We have thought so much about the possible negative consequences of our proposed actions that we can't ever be 100% sure it was the right path.

Someone figured out that our unconscious makes decisions about 1/10th of a second before our conscious mind is aware of that decision. Then we conjure up an argument to defend our heart.

One of the aspects I like about improv theater is that there isn't time to procrastinate. One has to respond now. Right now. Imagine if Mr. Cuomo did that.

A very strange posting.

A very strange posting. I feel like I came in on the middle of the movie.

I'm not sure there is anything else but the middle of the movie. We only walk into conversations, events, experiences. We don't do much else.

We sit on a couch, talk to a person. Both are others.

I'm not sure that there is always a big difference between ourselves and others, though couches can be more comfortable if you are looking for a place to sit down.

And they are always there for you.

Yes, and they never contradict you... or say that they are clueless about what you are getting at.

So you'd like to be hitched to a couch?

Sometimes, until I try to get it to move.

Turn off the Fan

"In reality all of our problems are nothing more than a failure to accept things as they are."

So why change things? Why don't we just accept the shit hitting the fan?

Because we can turn off the fan?

Guess so.

Bodhisattva vow is to save all sentient beings. Seems a whole lot easier to just accept suffering.

Maybe we end suffering by helping people realize that they create suffering by wanting things to be different than they are?

Maybe?

AA got it right, "God, grant me the serenity: To accept the things I cannot change; ... mind to accept that which cannot be changed; courage to change that which can be changed."

Oh!

Especially one who can't fly.

I hear your dog barking.

That's fortunate.

Yes, no one drowned her.

She's a good swimmer, like all bird dogs.

Hound dogs I can understand.
But why would a bird bark?

No, a bird dog is for hunting birds.

Why do you need a dog? Especially one who can't fly.

I can't sleep when the dog barks.

That's why the dog barks. She's alerting you of eminent danger.

I don't want to be alerted. I don't care if king kong is in the yard.
Sleep is more important.

I'll talk to the beast. Maybe she can refrain when just you are endangered.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

Part Salesman

You're a couch and I'm going to sit on you.

Oh no you don't. I'm asleep.

Asleep. You hardly did anything today.

But I get tired lying here. TV makes me sleepy.

Why do you turn it on?.

You left it on, silly.

I can't imagine that.

So how was your day?

You know, same old, same old.

Same old what?

They told me that I needed to sell more parts.

So what's wrong with that... a little motivation?

Can I help it if people aren't losing their limbs as much these days?

You could help things along.

How? By using a machette?