Marriage

Marriage, like other things, is in our heads. I discovered this when trying to get a 65 and older exemption for some of our real estate taxes. I had to prove I was married. I had this rinky-dink license from the justice of the peace in Peoria, Illinois. It had God and flowers on it. Travis county wrote me a letter today and said they want a certified document. Now suppose (since this was before computers) Peoria had they failed to enter our "union" in the log book. What then?

In Texas we are married, because they have common law marriages. If A says to B that they are married, and B doesn't say that they aren't, then they are. But that won't help us, because we need to show we were married before we moved here.

Yesterday I mention that we were talking about possessions. I asked the group where does possession occur? One woman claimed in the middle of her chest. I thought it occurred in my brain. I believe something is true... like I am married and therefore I am. (I think therefore I am.)

How about hunger? I believe I'm hungry, so I am. Is that the same thing?

After I put on Facebook that I was in a complicated relationship, the woman who I thought was my wife got a message from Facebook asking if she was in a complicated relationship. I told her that she has two choices: either yes or no. Being the smarty that she is, she said, I just won't answer.

My neighbor and I joke about him, being a whiz kid, joining Mensa to pick up woman. Someone told him that's where all the cool chicks hang out. Now that my marriage is on the rocks, maybe I should buy some Mensa training manuals from Half-priced Books. Or I could wait a few days until the certified copy comes... or until I find out that such a copy does not exist.

An old colleague (colleague for many years) offered to go to Peoria to testify on our behalf. He's known the two of us almost as long as we've know each other. I'm sure that would sway the current clerks to back-date an official document.

The Great Way is not difficult / have no preferences!

So says the Hsin Hsin Ming, a great Buddhist teaching. And, of course, having no preferences, like not hating or loving garlic, is far from NOT difficult.

The head teacher painted the fireplace, changing its color. On another day he started to paint a wall, didn't like the color, and went to buy another color. Have no preferences? What is that about? When he comes to the alter, he adjusts the paraphernalia to 1/16 of an inch. No preferences?

What it may be about is not attaching oneself to preferences. Hating or loving garlic may be fine, but how do we do when we don't have what we want, or we have what we don't want... and instant change is not possible. That, for me, is the challenge here. I want it to be sunny tomorrow at 8 am. Most who are going to take a walk then would concur. But suppose the weatherman is right and it is drizzling? Is that OK? Will it ruin my day. Will I celebrate the plants who get to drink plentifully?

I wanted to write about the silliness of pets. But everyone loves pets, and (some think) that people who don't like pets are as bad as Republicans. That's what they say. So I'm going to leave that alone, until a future date... like tomorrow. I won't mention a word about how walking behind a dog with a little plastic bag and picking up their poop is not my idea of fun.

Tonight we talked about not possessing things. Some sects of monks give up everything but a robe, a bowl, and a needle. Others have much more. I thought about "HAVING a wife and kids" and how I've had to struggle with the idea that they are not MINE (certainly brought to light today with the possibility that our marriage license, from a Peoria "justice of the peace," was not an official document). In any case, possession occurs in the head... or maybe, sometimes, in the court. Which takes us back to pets. What gives us the right to own these creatures, and to have them answer to our every beck and call? Anyone out there have an answer?

Why I Love Garlic

Early morning at the dentist, where I couldn't talk much because they were doing things to my poor teeth. My new deal is to take valium before I go, so I can be completely peaceful through the whole process. Almost. He did hurt me a little... but I refused a shot because I thought the shot would be worse than the pain.

Then got an alignment on my almost new car. It was out, probably from all the speed bumps in Austin. They call it "traffic calming." I wouldn't dare say anything negative about "traffic calming." It is highly politicized in AUS. Or maybe I'll say that it causes people to drive either in the middle of the street, or in a bike line so that the bump goes underneath their car. I live by the rules of the road, and throw my alignment out. And my wife probably does the same, which is why she prematurely needed a new set of rear shocks.

Finally got my color printer happy and am hard at work making a piece better for an exhibit that it is going to on Friday at City Hall. I love technology when it works. I actually like it when it doesn't, except when I have a deadline.

Yesterday I wrote about why I hate garlic. Today I'm not feeling that way because I didn't go to a place where I would smell it. In fact, I went to someone's house for dinner. She said, you are lucky you wrote in your blog that you hate garlic because I would have used lots of garlic. It was a delicious meal without the garlic. It was great to taste all the different veggies. I talked with my garlic hating sister just before I went to dinner, and when I told her that I was going somewhere for dinner, she said, "I hope they read your blog." Which was fortunate. Otherwise when I got home, my wife would have said, "ugh."

Pets. We talked a lot about pets. Maybe tomorrow I'll write about pets. Some people think that the world revolves around pets. Some people don't.

I'm feeling very much in love with garlic today. No hatred. I just want nothing to do with it. That's all. No hatred. Just admiration at a distance.

Why I Hate Garlic

When I sat zazen tonight I couldn't get out of my mind my hatred for garlic. My friend had asked me to write about it. Tonight my wife and I went to my favorite restaurant (which I'm growing very tired of). We had our lunch... she a vegeburger and I a soup and salad. There were an abundance of different tastes in my dinner. The lettuce, the cucumbers, the tamari dressing, the corn chowder, etc. As we were finishing up, the strong pungent odor of garlic came from the kitchen. No longer could I enjoy all the subtle tastes of my meal. All I could smell was garlic. Garlic is like a noisy restaurant. You can't carry on a conversation with your meal.

Chinese Buddhists don't eat garlic or onions. They don't want to get too excited, and they don't want to offend anyone.

As I was sitting, I thought more about the word "hate" and wondered if my feelings were really that strong. "Quietly sitting" and "hating" are not compatible acts. But then I remembered how my meal was so rudely interrupted by the stench of garlic from the kitchen. And I thought about a female friend who I hadn't seen for a long time... and then I did, and it was so good to see her, and then I smelled garlic. Ouch.

I know some say that garlic enhances food. It must be an acquired taste. When I eat it, my stomach churns all night long. Tonight I had some beans and rice. I found it bland, so I added some soy sauce. Then I realized I was tasting just soy sauce, and not enjoying the beans and rice. That's what garlic does as well. It keeps one from experiencing things as they are.

And the "hate." I'm still working on that.

Frozen

No it isn't cold like "up north." My mind is frozen. I don't have any ideas today. I was going to write again about how some want to keep their money and some want to give it away. And we all know who will go to Heaven and who won't, right? Honestly, sure there are people who are more generous than others, but that isn't the issue. Some believe that handouts are not what the needy need. Or maybe a combination of handouts, education, and love. I don't know. I just don't like the assumption that "do gooding" is the only way that will give you a long healthy eternal life.

But I'm not going to write about that. I went to the posh Central Market today and looking longingly at the fish. I even put a can of tuna into my shopping cart, walked completely around the store, and then put it back. I tried to tell myself since the tuna was dead I wasn't killing it... then I realized that I was becoming a boor about not hurting my fair feathered and finned friends... so I wouldn't write about that.

Ok, no politics and no PETA... what is left? We have the kid from Tucson who smiled at inopportune moments. Sounded a little Zen to me... appreciating each moment for what it was. As opposed to the concept of the "decisive moment" maybe all moments, as all people, are worth their weight in gold, as the expression goes. I'm not sure that the really insane and the really sane wouldn't think the same thoughts. I had an insane friend who went through one episode where he believed he was Jesus. And I hear Zen priests tell us that we are buddha. Too close for comfort?

So enough for no ideas for the day. Tomorrow I take my brakes in for a recall (Honda this time), then zazen, then the start of my second series of tea ceremony classes. My wife asked why I would want to torture myself again (I'm a slow learner) and I said, "because tea is the most important thing you can do." Funny thing is... I don't even drink the stuff. Luckily, the host doesn't make tea for themselves... just for the guest.

The Glass is Mostly Full

In today's Dharma talk the priest talked about the reaction of those who see the glass as half empty to those who see it has half full.

Having been working on a Zen journal on death and impermanence, I started wondering about my life. Is it half full or half empty? The years ahead of me... do they represent the water or the air? I wanted to figure this out before writing about it... but I didn't.

So what's my life... the glass? the water? Any ideas?

Sometimes the water evaporates. Sometimes the water spills.

Sometimes someone drinks the water. And sometimes the glass falls off the table.

Why Dentist Kill Themselves

So I've grown up (or at least tried) thinking that dentists regularly do themselves in. It is not true that they do it any more than anyone else. At least, no one has proved it. I think it is interesting that there are more suicides than murders. As a race (Human Race), we protect ourselves against murder, yet do we protect ourselves against suicide with the same passion? I saw a book tonight on the shelves at Goodwill... something like "One Minute for You." That should help someone gain or regain some sanity.

I had my hair cut today. There isn't very much, but it still feels good to have less. I was going to LA last haircut, so I had told Phyllis, my barber, that I was going to hold her responsible if I didn't get a lead role in a film. When I came today, she asked how I did and I said, "almost."

Today I asked her if she could give me a bad haircut. She was talking about how sometimes she gives bad haircuts, or at least the customers are dissatisfied. So I said I wanted a really bad cut. She said she wouldn't do that. I offered first $100, and then $1000... but she said that money isn't the issue, and that she doesn't do hair for the money anyway, but rather just to buy the necessities. But no way would she give me a bad haircut. I suggested that maybe I should go to someone who had never cut hair.

Then at dinner I asked my wife (a good potter) if she could make a pot like someone who had never made one. She said she couldn't. And then she said that if she was drunk and had one hand tied behind her back she might be able to do it.

Isn't it something that we work so hard to be good, and we lose our ability to be bad? Who can really make a child's drawing but a child. Though Jack Benny could sure play the violin like someone who couldn't. Anyone know anything about that?

One more thought. I've been thinking about how "Zen masters" are pretty regular people. They have the same anxieties and insecurities. Why? Doesn't their spiritual practice work? When I ask them (I guess I'm not shy) they always give the same answer... you should have seen me before. I'm looking for a spiritual practice that transforms all its practitioners. And instantly. Any recommendations?