What's next?

I asked my teacher if he had anything to ask. He said, "what's next?" Well, I said, "at first..." And I went on and on. Then he told me the answer. Can you figure it out? My wife knew.

But no more!

So I'm thinking of no longer trying to figure "it"* out. When I was at a restaurant tonight, I looked around at people and couldn't see anyone figuring "it" out... so I started to wonder maybe they were just there at the restaurant, eating and visiting with their friends. It looked like they were into what they were doing. I envied them, or at least my perception of them, that they were just there, in the purest sense of the word, not figuring "it" out. How disappointing it would be to read this same post written by someone else at the restaurant.

*"it" is the whole range of things I've been thinking about in my life (but no more), including life, death, and essence... and don't forget beauty. But no more!

Science vs. Religion

I'm wondering what the difference is between science and religion. My walking neighbor (we walk together) claimed that science was about repeatable verifiable physical facts. I mentioned that Buddhists believe that good ultimately comes from wholesome thoughts and actions. That is verifiable in that if you wait long enough the tide will always change. Is that science? And then in science, we work with certain assumptions (based on faith) such as that which we observe is happening. Is there really a sharp distinction between the two, or are science and religion different names for very similar disciplines?

Suppose

Someone told me tonight about how "suppose" interferes with mindfulness. I think she was "right on." As I think "I'm suppose to be ..." my mind shifts from where I am to my parents (or teachers) kibitzing over my shoulder. I am no long lost in play (or work) but having second (and third) thoughts (inhibitions?).

It is no wonder that I hear these edicts. I was taught with a long list of "supposes." And yet to do anything with focus means not hearing those voices but plunging ahead.

I've noticed that when I'm sitting zazen, facing the wall, that a still shadow is in front of me cast from the light on the ceiling hitting my head. I see the shadow and know that it is from my body, but sense that the realizer is not in my body or in the shadow, but rather outside of both. As well, the realizer is not at a specific point in space, but surrounding me in the "ether." It is disorienting to not be where "I" am.

Death

Every time a dear friend dies I revisit my thoughts about death. I told my wife that we are on a train... and one day the train crashes and that's the end. No, she said, we just get off the train when we get where we are going.

I sat (zazen) all morning, and my mind wandered to thoughts of my former student and friend, Robin Valle. She was one of the first of my students to shun classical ideals and had great fun doing her work. I learned a lot from her.

As I was sitting, I put aside the train metaphor, and went to using a stream instead (more of a Buddhist image). I imagined a particular stream (creek) in Oregon that I love. I saw particles clinging to the side, and imagined that from time to time they would catch a breeze and become a bubble (aka life), and start floating down the creek. Some would float for a long time (Bodhidharma lived to be 150!). Others would hit a rock or a branch, and lights would be out. But the creek (aka train) would keep on truckin'.

Acceptance

Not that I'm awakened in an sense of the word (it takes fearlessness to face those demons of reality), but I'm wondering about how one accepts "what is." It is easy to say, "accept things you cannot change, and change things you can." Harder to do. I wish I was taller, especially when I have to get a ladder to reach a few more inches. So do I accept that I need to get a ladder because (outside of painful surgery) my height is not going to increase? Does accept mean embrace? Fall in love with? Be ok with? Tolerate? Any help?

I was so close

I was far far away.