3 Discoveries

Here's what I learned looking through 50 years of my "art."

1. Everything I've done is not good, or art, or me.
2. Most of what I did is just practice.
3. It is a privilege that I can decide what stays and what goes.
4. (added later) I don't recognize or identify with he who created some of the work.
   

Big Whopper

Sometimes when we
think we have enou-
gh challenges a new
whopper comes
to dwarf the others.

24' and Growing

So we returned the
24 foot uhaul only to
discover that it grew
into a 26 footer.
We sure had that baby
packed.

4th of July Paintings

At the neighborhood fourth of July celebration I hung out at the painting booth. I first painted this concrete stepping stone. The woman running the booth called it the butterfly man.


Then, since my wife was not ready to leave, I was encouraged to try another one... this time on an old piece of wood. A couple of kids came up to me to show me what they had done. They said they had copied my painting, and that they like mine better than theirs. I said I liked what they had done better than mine.

Broken Beer Bottle Picture

I gave her the flash-
light & dropped her
beer import-
ed from MO.

Austin Disaster

Almost an eventless but tiring trip back to Austin until we got out of the truck and I handed my wife a flashlight and let go of two beers that we had brought from StL. Needless to say, they are now drinks for critters.

Thought all day today about the endless list of things that I had, and compared that list with those things I'd like, and realized that attachment to what I have and don't have is going to have to be resolved.

Tulsa

It is 216 am... just arrived in Tulsa. We were supposed to leave at 10 am (best laid plans) and instead left at 6 something. But the remains of the house are in the 24 ft.UHaul...

We are trying to figure out what we should do with it all. I thought we should take it to the dump and then fly to Austin. Linda said that we worked too hard on the packing to do that. So our cluttered life continues for now.

So Bertrand Russell wrote the the future is more important than the present, seemingly opposing Buddhist thought. I suspect that the problem with the future is that we can't and don't know it.

TIme for bed, or else I'll miss the free breakfast.

Why We Accumulate????

So we got a 24' ft
truckl & it is loaded
to the gills. I still
don't understand how ho-
w and why we accu-
mulate.

201 am

It is 201 am and we now need to finish packing my studio. Finally the basement is done...I think the whole house is done.

After spending a year going through my art, I discovered much... mostly that I need to put it all aside (or in the trash) and start anew.

36x2=72

We have about 36 hours
left, though since there r
2 of us we have 72 ho-
urs, but we might sleep or
eat. Wed. we take off to TX.

Interruptions

Lots of interruptions
today but it was good
to see and say goodbye
to our favorite people.

100° HOT

No Art Today

So my friends said I
shouldn't do art today
because all day long I'-
ve been disposing of
the stuff. But where
would the art go
if I don't let her out?

More, More

Big day on earth, an
average size planet on
a small star of the
chocolat bar galazy. Mich-
ael died @ 50 & I threw
out more bad art but my
wife is still shaking her
head and saying "more, more"
meaning "less, less."

F-- (How Bad I Was.)

How bad I was. So just
yesterday someone ask-
ed what kind of artist
I was and I said "a good
one" and then 2day I look-
ed through drawings fr-
om 1967 and they were
so so very bad.

F--
F--
F--

It's a boy!

So we turned the clay
lamb on its back 2
glue its feet back on.
"Oh my god," she exclaimed,
"it's a boy!"

Sticky Summer in St. Louis

The Thai rest-
aurant was
hot and sticky
on the warm
St. Louis day.

No one
seemed
to mi-
nd 'xc
ept me.

Del's Chair

This is my father-in-law's
chair, and him too. I us-
ually don't sit in his
chair, though he would-
n't complain, in fact, he
said he'd be honored.

Don't call me Dad...

In college.

Don't

call 

me 

Dad...

I'll 

cry.

Bye bye love...

Saying goodbye over & over
again — not only to people
but to things.

Bye
bye
love,
bye
bye
happiness,
hello lonli-
ness. Think
I
am
go
-ing
2 die.

Click here to see the real song.

Hula Hoops at the Circus

The beautiful woman at the circus
hula hooped so many hoops I co-
uldn't co- unt them.
See here for more info on hula hooping.

Where am I going?

A long day looking
at my life, c'ing
where I've been and w-
here I might go.

? ? ? ? ?

How young I was...

Today we
sorted
through 50 years
of Art and un-
derstood EW
(Edward Weston)
saying, "How you-
ng
I
was."

Who Am I?

The third question was, "Who am I?" But a world full of me has its problems.

This was the hardest of the Buddha's questions. I kept wanting to say, "me, dummy," but it didn't work. It made sense. No gender issues. No sentient being issues. But everyone can't be "me." So then I thought I was "it." Then, watching people at the airport and seeing how they are joined by the blackness, I realized that there aren't many its, but only one. So "IT" is in caps. That's who I am — part and parcel of IT (the connection of all things).

Where are you?

The little
prince was
on top of the
earth. But here
he has created
the earth.

Here

This is another question that the Buddha asked. It was not the most difficult. That will be the next one.

Buddha asked: what time is it?

First priest said Buddha asked three questions.
Then I asked the second priest which question
was the most difficult. He said, "what time is it?"
That's not the one I would have chosen.

Maybe I'll do drawings about the two others — another "time."

Not bad, not good — joined at the hips.

One might think that not bad is good, and not good is bad. But maybe they are the same, or at least, just what they are.

Lost and Found

So we
have
our
granddog
staying with
us & we took
a walk
&
got loss.

But now I'm fo-
und.

Who is it who ties us up?

Saving all beings...

Dad
From our neighborhood elist: "The boy's father stood on the far edge of the pool and ordered the boy -- about four or five years old -- to walk around the pool and jump off the diving board. When he hit the water, the boy panicked, and he started flailing around, screaming and going under. My son [a conscientious lifeguard] dove in and rescued the hysterical boy and swam him to the side of the pool and helped him out. The father stood several yards away the whole time and never made a move to help or come over. In fact, he got mad at my son for interfering!"

I received this reaction from our neighborhood elist:

"ok, I hate to sound dumb, but...

I don't get the picture, Kim. Is it making fun of the lifeguard for saving the kid? I am trying to figure out what you are trying to say here. Please enlighten us."

The Buddhist priest said that karma is relentless, meaning (to me) that good comes from good and bad from bad, always.

(Note: I was scolded for using the words "good" and "bad: Here is a quote from the Buddha that uses pain and happiness instead: "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him."

And another quote that speaks to the relentless nature of karma:
"All things appear and disappear because of the concurrence of causes and conditions. Nothing ever exists entirely alone; everything is in relation to everything else.")

I was struck with the ambiguity of the situation. A father with the greatest of intentions, trying to teach in the best way he could, and a lifeguard conscientiously doing his job. I felt some compassion for both (as well as for the kid).

And stepping back, I saw some humor in the situation—both the lifeguard and the father were invested in "saving all beings" and yet were in conflict with one another. William Saroyan would have described this as "the human comedy."

Organ Transplant Service

I've been thinking of getting a full organ transplant ((not the same as the (mislabeled) full organ transplants that are current done)), whereby I'd become a totally different person, perhaps assembled from all the attributes that I envy — more hair on my head, a larger (and more able) brain, the ability to draw like my wife and son can, etc. I'm sure it would never be enough... but instead of a new heart or kidney, why not a new (and faster, better looking, etc.) car (so to speak)?