A Stone Grave #1

Koan:

How do you get out of a stone grave which is locked on the outside?

At first it seemed like a situation I would probably never encounter—and then realizing now, in retrospect, it is my life, being in this body and world that I have so little power over. Though I can think of death as inevitable... I could flip that and consider life—really tasting life—as a possibility.

Peel of Orange #2

Koan:

Bring me the peel of orange you ate yesterday.

What can we really deliver? What can I bring today?

Peel of Orange #1

Koan:

Bring me the peel of orange you ate yesterday.

I seem to be feeling around for my pillow in the dark...and not finding it. Where am I, in yesterday or in today?

When the World was Created #3

Koan:

When the world was created, what was god (the creator) like?

The second I refer to “I,” a messy duality is born. Maybe I should adopt a pronoun like “they.” Sometimes with these koans I feel like screaming, “Stop messing with me!”

When the World was Created #2

Koan:

When the world was created, what was god (the creator) like?

It makes sense that the head is so big in this drawing because I was so full of my head. Why didn't I see that I was simply being born, one moment ago?

When the World was Created #1

Koan:

When the world was created, what was god (the creator) like?

I should have sympathy for those parts of my brain that are activated by such questions. Why haven't they learned to simply ask the body? So I guess I'm blaming them a little, like I might blame a kid who raises his hand in class to answer a question and who always misses the point.

A Hungry Ghost

Koan:

Save a Hungry Ghost

Yesterday I thought about how the fulfillment of a desire doesn't end craving. Maybe it does for the first few bites, but then we start worrying about how much the ice cream cost, or whether it will make us fatter, or whether it will give us cavities. So we can't even enjoy the ice cream. Or we might, and then instantly start craving something else. Hunger isn't ended by feeding. Suffering is caused by craving, but is ended by other means than eating (i.e., the Eightfold Path).

River #2

Koan:

Stop the fighting across the river.

This is a great lesson on what I can do. And hopefully, if I stop fighting, there will be a little less war.

River #1

Koan:

Stop the fighting across the River.

I'm surprised how agitated I appear in the drawing. Now it is almost six months after I drew this, and I see myself as the one with the peace [sic] pipe and the man sleeping on the beach as the one I'd like to be. I tried to represent the fighting as a bunch of twisted branches in a fire. I wish I could stop the fighting. And I wonder whether the fighting is really occurring.

Ol' Monk

Koan:

Without using your hands, make this old priest get up.”

I was on the phone with a grammar school and high school classmate earlier today. I asked him if he saw himself as an old person, being almost 80. He kept saying, “That's a really good question.” I said, ”Growing up, we'd call someone who was almost 80 old." “Yes,” he replied.

Thinking of these koans as tricky puzzles is where I go wrong. Better to be naive and uncomplicated.

Siblings #2

Koan:

The girl over there, is she the elder or the younger sister? If the student is a woman: That guy over there, is he the younger or older brother?

Gradually I've been learning that there really is no “over there.” Photographers say that the subject of a photograph is the photographer. Perhaps the subject of a koan is the reader.

Siblings #1

Koan:

Gradually I've been learning that there really is no “over there.” Photographers say that the subject of a photograph is the photographer. Perhaps the subject of a koan is the reader. The girl over there, is she the elder or the younger sister? If the student is a woman: That guy over there, is he the younger or older brother?”

This suggested a little suspicion (paranoia?) in me when I jumped to the conclusion that maybe someone was trying to fool me, like the kid who sold me a two-headed nickel, only to discover it had been soldered together. Koans are another lesson to exhibit curiosity rather than jumping to conclusions.

Sailboat

Koan:

How do you become one with a sailboat?”

Hsin Hsin Ming: “...in this ‘not two’ nothing is separate, and nothing in the world is excluded.” In the storm, one feels part of the boat as it rocks violently from side to side.

An Immovable Tree

Koan:

Show me an immovable tree in a heavy storm.

I like the paradox of an immovable tree in a heavy story. It reminds me of Suzuki Roshi's statement that if it isn't a paradox it isn't true. And, also of the story about the man in the hut who is unmoved by the beautiful woman. Is either possible? And yet, we can try to be a rock that is firmly set in the ground even when the earth is shaking.

The Sounds of the World #3

Koan:

Become one with the sounds of the world.

After being married to my imagination for 3/4+ of a century, I'm having trouble not doing that. When I try to become one with the sounds of the world, I have no trouble imagining horrific and pleasurable sounds (the sirens) from the past present* and future. But what about dropping the stories and just being with the sounds themselves in this moment?

Buzzing, Rain on Roof, Wife's TV, Phone Ringing, More Buzzing, Clipboard Hitting Table, Coffee Mug Making Noise As Lifted Out From Holder

[With] Each with these I drop self and hear sound.

*—Sometimes I think there is no present because it is a moment so short that it doesn't even exist in time.

The Sounds of the World #2

Koan:

Become one with the sounds of the world.

What came together today was shikantaza (just sitting), buddha fields, and the world. All are just this... whatever is right here right now (as the cliché goes). Sound is sound, but it is also any phenomenon that creates a sensation [IMHO]. The five-clouded world is on top of my ear. It is exploding my ear drum. Someday it might be so quiet that I could hear a pin drop [which I've never heard [yet].

The Sounds of the World #1

Koan:

Become one with the sounds of the world.

Opps. 6 fingers. Earth on 5 GIANT cloudy day. Buddha Dharma Sangha (3 treasures).

They told us in school [with a straight face] what was the world. It wasn't where I road my bike [in the alley]. I heard sirens and saw Patty the One-arm who had a difficult birth. She reminded us how privileged we all were. I can still see her every day walking down the street...always alone, with one arm dangling. [Next life I'll buy her a milkshake at Walgreens.]

My first intensive was at a Vietnamese monastery. I asked if you can be in the present thinking about past. A monk took an hour to answer me. He said yes, you could.

A Distant Temple Bell #2

Koan:

Become one with the sound of a distant temple bell.

I am the bell. It was distant until I heard it & then I stepped into the bell [gingerly] and got showered with the sound and the vibration of the bell jiggled jiggling me thru & thru [actually more times than the sands of the Ganges]. Soon there was a dharma talk and the words didn't stop [hearing the peal of the hammer before, during, and after] but permeated through the pores of skin making & shaking all my cells as the talk rained over me. I didn't listen in the same way that the fish don't know they are in water until they aren't.

A Distant Temple Bell #1

Koan:

Become one with the sound of a distant temple bell.

I was misconstruing “embodied” to mean taking something inside oneself. So I put my nocelf [sic] inside a classic 8734 model Acme kasket [sic]. Then I was really isolated from the sound of the distant temple bell. So I created a spirit to rise out of the casket to become one with the sound. God is looking on. She is not thrilled with this strategy. It is good that I'm smoking a pipe in the casket becuase then the spirit could come from the smoke. First thing I bought when I went to college was a pipe and tobacco. I had just turned 17 and I was going to be grown up.

Mu #5

Koan:

A monk asked Joshu, a Chinese Zen master: “Has a dog Buddha-nature or not?”
Joshu answered, “Mu!”

Photons don’t reveal themselves until they connect with phenomenon. Just like light, buddha nature must be everywhere and every time, but it needs phenomenon to reveal itself. If mu is anywhere it must be everywhere, always. A mist. The buddhafield. Kind of like sweat.