Game Over? We'll see.

 

Too young, too old. Is one ever the right age? I remember, still in high school, when I was at a coffee house in Greenwich Village. I tried to hide the fact that I was only 16, and about as unsophisticated as they come.  And now, almost 50 years later, I go to a coffee house in Austin and feel like a freak who has come come back from the dead. Especially not drinking, I felt very much "out of it." 

So what is it to "belong?" I was always the youngest one. I had two older sisters. I started college when I had just turned 17. I was young. The youngest faculty in my first few jobs. Young young young. Then I went to sleep for 50 years and now I'm old old old.

They (the kids) look at me like I don't understand. Like I'm hopelessly loss, Dang, most of them weren't even born in 1980, some not born before 1990. And they look at me like I'm a dinosaur, apparently with some minuscule brain and a lack of experience in the real world. 

Game over? We'll see.

Pie

Kids and grandma/great-aunt

LA parking lot... many different cars.

 

I wonder sometimes if I can love one thing and not another. Can I really love the flower and not the weed? Can I love one person and not the other? Sure, you say, "I hate weeds and evil people." But aren't they both part of the whole, completely interdependent? When I want things to be different than they are (which really never happens) I am always disappointed in them. When I want things to be as they are, I am always satisfied.

The toughest one seems to be political and religions differences. Why do many have such disdain for those of other persuasions. Last night I was reminded about how the Catholics used to preach that Jews should be hated because they crucified Jesus. I'm glad that "officially" that has stopped. But the shooting of the Democrat in Arizona yesterday is of the same elk. The two party system is a wonderful check and balance for our ambitious plans. And different religions are suited for different people and temperaments.

Calif.

Truth

Texas Capital

Oval office

LBJ library on tour with Burmese monks

Mt. Bonnell

"We've righted a wrong."

“We righted a wrong,” said Senator Joseph I. Lieberman, the independent from Connecticut and a leader of the effort to end the ban. “Today we’ve done justice.” 

If only it was so easy to "righted a wrong." What about compensation for those who were either kicked out of the military, and not allowed into the military for coming out of the closet? That would be closer to my idea of "righted a wrong."

Great move from the senate, though they had no choice as it would have been done otherwise by the courts and they would have lost an opportunity to get votes.

What else in our society has "don't ask, don't tell." How many are tortured by the "don't ask, don't tell" message? How about couples who don't express to each other dissatisfaction with their sex lives? How about people who have to hide fetishes that don't hurt others? How about so many secrets we need to keep?

Maybe this will be the start of more openness. The other night a friend talked for the first time about being trained as a hypnotist. It is like a breath of fresh air when someone feels safe enough to reveal a part of who they are.

I propose a new slogan, "don't need to ask, I'll tell."

Less Taxes for the Rich: a Jerk's Perspective

A lot seems to be missing in most of the discussions I read about "cutting or increasing" taxes for the rich.

We have decided as a society that the rich should pay more taxes. We have a progressive tax system, where the more one makes the higher percentage of their income goes to Uncle Sam... and thereby increasing the amount twice (once because it is a percentage of a larger sum, and once because the percentage itself is higher). The rich pay plenty. Could they "afford" more? Probably. Should they pay more?

In reality, the rich have many tax breaks, like being able to inherit assets without paying for the assets' appreciation.

And even with these breaks, 85% of the taxes are paid by the top 25% of the population. As the kids say, "is that fair?" And as you see in the graph above, the "rich" are paying a higher percentage of their income as well. Some say they are being taxed to death. 

Merry Christmas and Rohatsu at Costco

I received a second inspirational email from M, who had just sat for a good part of a week honor the "awakening" of the Buddha. Yesterday I overdid it working on some shelves and paid for it today with barely being able to walk (I'm better now). I needed to go to Costco and was lucky to find a parking space. It was gridlock everywhere. The aisles weren't quite wide enough for the holiday crowd. I decided this was a good place to "practice (zen)," especially since I didn't sit the usual couple of periods at the temple as I usually do on Saturday morning (it was closed). I'm not sure if it was the Aleve, or the muscle relaxant, or that I'm making some kind of progress... but I was able to meander through the store as if it was a quiet forest. By the end of the journey my back even felt better.

As I left I heard the man at the door who makes sure you aren't stealing saying cheerfully to each customer,  "Merry Christmas." I wondered if this "au revoir" was slightly skewed toward those celebrating the birth of Jesus. I decided to beat him to the draw with a cheerful "happy holidays" (and maybe make a hint that he could be more inclusive). He upped the cheerfulness to another level saying, "Merry Christmas, captain," and touched me on the shoulder. Captain had good ring to it (better than "you're a jerk"), especially remembering that Edward Steichen, who was a captain in the navy, was called "captain."

King Corn

Just finished seeing the documentary, King Corn (available via Netflix/instant watching). Wow. So glad I don't eat foods processed with corn syrup. I told my neighbor that the Mayans had died from tooth decay from the corn they ate. According to my friend in St. Louis who knows everything, I was wrong. But another civilization is killing itself with corn and "they is us."

We've increased corn production over four times from our grandparents' production. In the process, we've created a product devoid of nutritional value. Corn is basically made for corn syrup, which is the basis of the fast food/soda industry. Most processed foods contain corn syrup. In the last 30 years we've increased the sugar in our diet by 30%, increasing at the same time obesity and diabetes.

Who finances the genocide? Yes, it is your friendly, loving protector, Uncle Sam. It would not be profitable to grow corn if it wasn't for farm subsidies. The cost per acre is greater than the return, until the subsidies step in. Before 1970 farmers were paid to not produce. Now they are paid to produce more than we use.

The American Indians had a good nutritional product with their corn. What we now have is sugar, devoid of nutrition.

I'm able to not eat anything made with corn syrup. I even buy a new ketchup that isn't made with corn syrup. Vote against corn syrup by not buying foods processed with it. It will save your life and those you love.

This is a public service announcement!

Quantifying Compassion

Martin in St. Louis is their non-smoking guru. He wrote an email about efforts by the casinos to allow smoking in the casino tavern. He mentioned that smoke would be worse for the employees than the customers.

Something didn't sound right about that. I started comparing the compassion one might feel about one thing vs. another. Imagine a mother loses one child, and another loses two. Do you have more compassion for one of the mothers than for the other? And suppose your friend loses her wedding ring (not intentionally). Do you grieve less for that than for something else? Or take joy. Do we really have levels of joy? Or are joy and compassion states that we put ourselves in? Places where we feel for the other  to our limits.

Back to the employees vs. customers. It is conceivable that an employee might be injured more than a customer, but because of the number of customers vs. the number of employee, the total injury for each group might not be so different. I think we'd want to advocate equally for both groups, feeling empathy to each as they coat their lungs with non-friendly vapors and particulate matter.

Is Forced Health Care Constitutional?

This is certainly a slippery slope. We now mandate education and social security. One could ask, is health care just another thing that is good for us, and therefore everyone needs to do it? Or, might education and social security be the new villains, with the Supreme Court deciding that no service/product/insurance can be mandated according to the Constitution. Time will tell.

I'm a Jerk

My last post had a comment, "You're a jerk." Imagine the freedom that assessment might give someone to know that they are a jerk, and, better yet, to learn that the secret is out. No more pretending. Yes, I'm a jerk. How else can I explain my countless episodes of jerky behavior?

On the other side of the coin, we are all buddhas, whatever that might mean. We just need to awaken to who we really are, which in my case is a jerk (I guess).

I had two interesting interactions yesterday.

I went to a doctor's office and started to sign in. But no sooner had I put the date down, the nurse called me. So I put the pen down and went over to her desk. Another nurse came by, and kept looking at me and at the sign-in list. Finally she said, "you didn't sign in." I looked at the sheet and then told her that as soon as I was called I dropped the pen and came. "Did you learn that from your mother... to always do as you are told?" "No," I went, "my mother would turn in her grave if she knew I was so obedient. But then again, she's not in a grave, she's in the ocean... that is, most of her. The rest we are going to put in the ocean with my dad's ashes two days after Christmas." "Why the ocean?" she said. "Well, they loved the ocean. They'd walk by it every day."

Then I went to get a haircut with my barber, Phyllis. The young kid before me didn't have enough money to pay for his haircut. He was two bucks short. Phyllis told him to go and get some money from an ATM. He wanted to give her what he had now, but she said no, she'll wait for the whole amount.

As my haircut proceeded, I noted that the young kid had not returned. I asked Phyllis if she always gets paid in these cases. "No," she said, "a couple of times I probably didn't." And then she added that sometimes she just forgets. She said that the man upstairs takes care of the people who don't pay.

I looked at the ceiling and wondered if there was a second story I didn't know about. Then I realized what she was saying... that God makes everything just in the end.

So I asked her, "what if the young kid met a starving man and gave the money to him. Would that be OK?" "NO," she answered, "that would not be right! But then, God would take care of him if he did that."

So a month ago I was told by the Jesuit priest and Buddhist teacher Robert Kennedy that "God does not interfere" and now by Phyllis the barber that "God makes things right." Is it possible that both are true?

P.S. As I was leaving Phyllis the young man returned with the money. God is off the hook. Or maybe not. I forgot to ask the young man if he had found any starving men to give the money.

More Notations

I read the other day in Steve Hagen's Buddhism, Plain and Simple, "But how can you be truly happy when you have a death sentence on your head?" This is the theme of this issue of JustThis, Austin Zen Center's Zen journal. What I find amazing is that a part of me believes it is the most important question and yet another part doesn't care about my death sentence. Do we hate a romantic interlude because it is going to end? Of course not. William Blake wrote, "...But he who kisses the joy as it flies/ Lives in eternity's sunrise."

I have known people so fearful of death that they are afraid to live. My grandpa said he didn't want any more dogs because it broke his heart when they died. (He lost his wife and true love after only a couple of years of marriage.) Perhaps there is a limit to how much one is willing to mourn.

So I asked my wife this question and she said that you just have to live in the moment. I wondered if this is a delusion, ignoring the elephant in the room. Is there another way? Can we revere the elephant and revere the moment at the same time? I don't want to forget that impermanence is keenly married to death.

On another front, I was glad today that I voted for Obama. I thought he did a good job acting in the best interest of the country even if it meant not being the pawn of the democrats. In the end, the countries' votes are probably more valuable to him than the democrats favor, but still, it was a good move. I'm always in favor of tax cuts too, especially since it is the only way that government will be smaller.

Merit... not!

The story above, about King Sirisanghabodhi, tells of generosity at its extreme. The former king is given lunch by a man who tells him that there is a bounty on the former King's head. "Great," the former King says, "you can take my head to the new king and pay yourself for this lunch, and then use the remainder as a generous gift from me." What someone will do for merit!

Imagine a letter from your favorite charity, asking for your head, rather than some manageable sum of money!

Yet Bodhidharma was not so generous with Emperor Wu. He told the poor fellow that he would get no merit for all the good things he had done, because he had done them for merit. What an insult this must have been for the Emperor!

So we are supposed to be good, but not for any gain. How different from our Western culture where we tithe to improve our chances for a good eternal life. What priest would say, "give generously, and know that nothing good will come from your generosity"?

Various Notations

A number of issues are rattling around in my mind.

1) In the Costco magazine, a lawyer wrote about how it is reasonable to default on one's mortgage if your house is worth less than what you owe. One of his arguments I had not thought of: that banks do the same. Of course, this is the two wrongs make a right argument, isn't it? Another person wrote a conflicting piece, pointing out the credit problems one has after defaulting... and how, in some states like Florida, the banks can go after you for a number of years.

2) My neighbor wrote me again about sinning and forgiveness. I'm curious if these concepts, over the long run, have produced more compassionate and/or happy human beings. If so, does that justify us holding on to such concepts? If not, should we dispense of them?

3) This week is, in Buddhist temple land, Rohatsu. It is the celebration of Buddha's awakening, the word some like to use for enlightening.  Good Buddhists sit for the week. I'm planning to sit a little each day, but not from 6 am to 9 pm. Today is the anniversary of the passing of Suzuki Roshi, the priest who came to America in 1959 and founded the San Francisco Zen Center. The difference between awakening and enlightening is that the former refers to one discovering who they are while the later suggests discovering something external.

4) I've been thinking about dualism in a number of contexts. Here's an article I found on the Buddhist perspective on dualism. I like that the earth and the sky meet at the horizon. A Zen friend is developing a course in Zen birdwatching, where "being with the birds" will be encouraged rather than "identification." I'm starting to realize how much of my thinking is "either or" which keeps me from hearing the birds. Does that make sense?

Forceiving, the other half of the forgiving equation.

Forceiving, a new word (actually new definition for old word), refers to the act of being forgiven. The process being forgiven requires forceiving.

How does one act when they have been forgiven? Do they just repeat their previous actions? Or do they repent, feeling compassion for the hurt they imposed.

We are told to forgive. But we are not told anything about forceiving, the act of accepting forgiving compassionately.

I did find an historical use of the word "forceive" in the William and Mary Historical Quarterly. It appears to be similar to the word "deduce." So now a new meaning to an old word!

So why a drawing about sin? Well, somehow that has been brought into the equation by my neighbor who says that forgiving implies sin, except you need god to really sin.

P.S. I think I've search my whole life for my will. What I like about Buddhism is that we are Buddhas... we just don't know it. So, in Buddhism, we search to find that Buddha in us. So it is back to searching for our own will, but searching in the realization that we are part of something much much bigger. As big as big is. And then, bigger. Much bigger!!!!

Forgiveness Meditation

Even though we are one we can hurt eachother, he said.

Colin gave this out last night when he gave his dharma talk on forgiveness:

For the harm you have done to me, knowingly or unknowingly, I now forgive you.

For the harm I have done to you, knowingly or unknowingly, please forgive me.

For the harm I have done to myself, knowingly or unknowingly, I now forgive myself.

As one meditates with these thoughts they hopefully would be closer toward this state of forgiveness. What a weight it would take off of our shoulders!

So much good energy is expended on grudges. IMHO (in my humble opinion) grudges that focus on people being who they are. WDYE (what did you expect? (I made that one up)).

My neighbor said that we can't forget because whatever we forget is always in the back of our minds... so I guess we need to do something more severe... like FORGIVE. Do it now. Please!

Thanks!

Forgive and Forget

Heard a good talk tonight on forgiveness. As I listened to it, I thought that Buddhism would be worth it if it could help just one person forgive another.

In the Lord's Prayer we hear, "And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us."
There we ask God to forgive us, but we could just as well ask that of others.

In the moment there is no forgiveness needed. Without judgement there is no forgiveness needed. When we believe that our memory is real we need to forgive since we attach ourselves to our conjured up past.

Is "action" the miles to go that Robert Frost spoke of?

Robert Frost wrote, "But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep." Until Melanie mentioned "action" in her comment on my last post, I didn't really consider that important part of the equation. Could it be that the "miles" that Robert Frost spoke of were the work that went with the promises? I had always thought of promises and miles as unrelated. But maybe not.

Today we took out a shelf in the closet to replace it with another shelf. Then I had to do drywall repair. I missed working with my hands. Haven't done that for awhile. It felt good!

Started counting my breaths again while meditating. Some people recommend this for people just starting to meditate. Others do it their whole lives. The challenge is not to create a self who counts the bodies' breaths, but rather to integrate the counter and the breather.

Some are saying that if we tax more we'll be able to pay off the deficit. I read about a couple of studies on this showing that the government spends somewhere between $1.29 and $1.58 for every dollar they tax. Reminds me of the students who drop out of school to earn money to go back to school. They end up in debt.

Today I finally rang the bells at the right time during a Japanese chant. It was partly because we chanted slow enough that I could find my place. Now the challenge is not just to make noise, but to make music. And not just with bells, but with the rest of life too... even with the clerk at the grocery who thought I should play the lottery because my groceries came out to be exactly $20 (she thought that was a good omen). She said that she wanted to win the lottery. I told her that it has been the kiss of death for many. She said that she would disconnect her phone. I said "good luck."

Two great ideas: Talk!!!! and Talk!!!!

This morning I asked my focused wife for help with my room reorganization. I was flustered. I was feeling out-of-sorts, ready to throw something against the wall. So I said to her, can I tell you how I'm feeling... and did. Talk!!!!

Then we ended up taking a van load of stuff to Goodwill and making a lot of space. The fluster disappeared. Wow! And next to Goodwill is a good Thai restaurant. We had a wonderful lunch. And it was a lot cheaper than the one in LA that was $253 per person... plus $10 for parking!!!!

Then I got a call from a sister that indicated confusion in the world. Someone had a different idea about something... and then my brilliant niece talked to the someone... and now all is well. Talk!!!!

Such easy stuff... talking!

I heard that some Christians believe that one shouldn't meditate because the devil might invade one's consciousness. This more or less happened to the Buddha the night before his enlightenment, but he fought her off. He talked to her and told her to get loss. Talk!!!!

And I did something a little different tonight in the temple. After the wood rapped twice on a stump, I was supposed to hit the bell once. But right before I did it, the head teacher said, no, I should hit it twice. That's what I like about Zen. The schedule keeps changing.

So you have a problem? So you aren't feeling good about something? Talk!!!! Talk!!!!

Making Art

We had a discussion the other day about practicing. In this case, it was "sitting." But I kept thinking about practicing art. And how Jerry Savage (one of my teachers) said that in ten years, only one out of a hundred art school graduates will still be making art.

I often hear from former students who aren't making art. They feel a little apologetic, and I sometimes think that I failed them.

And I think of John Cage, who was asked by his Buddhist teacher for a greater commitment and he said, no, he had promised his music teacher that he make music.

Most of the people who continue throughout their lifetime to make art are pretty good. They might have gotten that way through lots of practice, though maybe it was the other way around.

Today I was re-befriended on Facebook by my first art muse. She had grown up with parents as artists, so she had learned the ropes from birth. And now it is almost 50 years later. How time flies!

When the current Buddhist head teacher here was applying for the job, he said that we all practice perfectly. That's a common Zen statement (that we all are perfect). And the second part of it is that we could stand some improvement.

So why the guilt? We admire mechanical men who seem to be in control of everything. Yet, when push comes to shove, we might eat a second piece of pie, knowing that if we were better, we would have just enjoyed the first piece twice as much.

This week I built some shelves in my closet. It was something I've wanted to do for a couple of years. Art is like that. We admire people who are productive, yet sometimes we just procrastinate.  And sometimes we just repeat ourselves, making it look like we are still breathing (and fertile).

Any ideas here, anyone?

Lego Pencil in Corpus Christi

Nathan Sawaya, Art Museum of South Texas

Thanksgiving Drugs

I ate a piece of turkey. It was just a breast that was cooked so I didn't have a chance for any of that greasy skin. My mom used to tell me that I was goin' to hell in a hand basket. Maybe I would have if there had been greasy skin.

The surprising thing about the slice of turkey was that 1) it was good and 2) I instantly recognized the taste as if I had of eaten it yesterday. And 3) (don't tell) I had the urge to storm the fridge and eat the entire carcass and get grease all over my face. I guess it is time for Veggie Heaven or Mr. Natural (my favorite Austin veggie restaurants).

We spent the day with a blind dog who got around very well. He could even catch a bouncing ball!

And we moved forward on my daughter's wedding planning. Looks like things are shaping up nicely.

Happy Thanksgiving!

No Dogs Allowed

No Pets

Kim at Padre Island