"Hello"

NYTimes had an article today saying that cruelty of animals leads to further violence. A movie trailer that I saw a couple of days ago (Netflix is sending me the movie tomorrow) depicts the cruelty to animals that we eat. What I don't understand is the double standard many apply to animals. If they are pets, treat them like royalty...and if they are livestock, anything goes. In fact, the article pointed out that "In Idaho, which is one of the states without a felony cruelty penalty, farmers and ranchers are pushing a bill that would more clearly distinguish livestock from pets and would exempt livestock from the protections afforded pets."

So what's the deal? We slaughter one animal to feed another? Who are we kidding?

A New Version of Life

So I had a teacher who said "listen to everyone and believe no one." The Buddha said the same thing, that you shouldn't believe his teachings because he said it. Rather, believe it if your experience verifies his words. 

My Buddhist sewing teacher showed me how to remove chalk marks from my sewing. It didn't work very well. I asked her if I could wash it... and she said no... but then explained to me how to wash it (was there a double message here?). In any case I washed it... and got rid of many of the chalk marks... and then removed more with a fancy eraser. But it is rippled a bit... so I thought I'd find another godless religion, or jump off a bridge after watching a movie trailer about people who do that... or maybe just confess in my blog and leave it at that. So now my sewing is clean and a little dimensional. And since I sit facing the wall in the zendo... who will notice?

Life

So it wasn't how I wanted it. 

I wanted lines and I just got dots and it was terrible. 

Finally I figured it out. 

It is dark and late

So he said dilusion and illusion are different.

Photo Thoughts

It is amazing to me that, from the beginning of photography, practitioners realized that they had to be "artful" when they made pictures. Just the act of exposing the film didn't amount to much. And yet, when I look out a window, I see interesting vistas in every direction. How is that? Why aren't all pictures good? I wouldn't have thought in 1837 that photography would become the artform that it has. And I'm equally surprised how few great photos there really are... compared to how many are taken. And how most snapshots are just that... at least until they are taken out of context.

Photography's function as documentation: it certainly plays a role at taking us away from the moment. We want to preserve the past so it will not leave. We weren't there when it was happening... we were in another past. And we aren't here now... we are in still another past (or future). I like the newspaper. The pictures come and go. They have a short life, and the columns make way for the next moment. Seems a lot healthier than preserving everything in stone.

Photography's function as an expressive art medium: I have no idea how to tell someone how to make an expressive photo. Any formula would fail. The most poignant scene (for me, a kid laying in the street with a crushed red wagon) doesn't make a good photo. Nor does the most beautiful mountain. I prefer mundane subjects as some others do. The two compliments I hate to hear: what a beautiful mountain and what a beautiful print. Neither seems to address what the artist accomplished.

A Very Special Day

I meant to throw this out 

(I was going through old files) 

but somehow it popped up in Photoshop, 

begging to be reborn.

In China, mind and heart are the same word.

Stop All War!

Holey Socks Foreshortening

A Long Day

Face of Now

Now is the only face that we see. 

And yet we don't see it because our minds are everywhere but here.

How I Got Thin

Hans writes: Kim was fascinated with the Photoshop fakery from this magazine's cover, taking note of the discrepancy between forearm and body. I wasn't terribly concerned about it.

Mexican Restaurant

I went to Elsies with my friend Hans, who is visiting AUS from STL. It was hard to find since it seemed to be at a different location than it was before. In any case, neither of us were thrilled with our meal... though I didn't admit it. This is an example of a photo assignment I used to give where a student was supposed to focus on the space between things.

6 churches in one day

I'd love to hear what going to 6 churches in one day was like if you have time, which ones and your impressions and reactions?

I must have been around 12 years old. Bruce asked me to go to church with him... so I asked my mom. She said, no, that I was too impressionable. At the time I grew up my parents were atheists (years later they claimed that they were always agnostics (doubting, but not sure)). Both of my parents were Jews. My mom had an uncle (Lewis Browne) who had been a rabbi but gave it up partly because he saw a need to be part of a world rather than part of a tribe (my words, not his). My dad, as a kid, lived with an orthodox grandfather who prayed all day long. One day in Lebanon a bomb came through the roof and landed right next to the grandfather. The praying continued and the bomb did not go off. Then they both ended up at the University of Chicago where they learned that nothing is true that we can't prove with the scientific method. God was not provable, and therefore did not exist.

I'm not quite sure if I snuck out, or if my mom had a change of heart... but soon I started going to churches on Sunday. I found nice people who were willing to talk about their beliefs. I even joined a Baptist youth group. Baptists at the Univ. of Chicago were as liberal as they come... so liberal that the minister said that you believe in God if you imagine him. So I now believe in King Kong too.

When I was younger, maybe 6 or 8 years old, I remember walking past this great wall of St. Thomas Catholic Church. The wall was solid, and I imagined that the afterlife was on the other side of the wall. Why shouldn't it be a few blocks from where you grow up? One time I went to that church and thought it was awe-inspiring to hear the Latin and to see the seriousness of everyone, but boring that it went on so long. I think I ate the wafer and drank the wine. Little did I know that it was the blood of Christ.

Now, back to when I was 12 and doing religious globetrotting. I suspect they were: Baptist, Disciples of Christ, Quaker meeting, Catholic, and a couple of others. I was an atheist, but loved the spiritual feeling of the churches. Something seemed to be missing from my parents' analysis of the world. There was too much that we just don't know.

The Rights of Parents, by Pauline Mosley

(written between the early to mid-1950s) (facsimile)

When Mrs. Golden called me she asked whether I would speak to a group of very interested women who had been doing a considerable of thinking for themselves but now wanted to hear someone else speak. I told Mrs. Golden that I would be glad to speak with such women but that all I would say was — Think for yourselves some more, because the best authority or experts on Parenthood I know are Parents themselves.

Maybe we are not expert enough — Then we must become more expert.

Maybe we don't think enough — Then we must think more.

Maybe we don't know how to think. Then we will need help and mental exercise.

If we depend on the others to tell us how to live, how to rear our children, and what to believe, I think we are doomed to confusion, insecurity, and turmoil.

Parents have been told so many things about what he should or should not do by so many authorities I wonder he has survived at all.

I've wondered for a long while why so many people take such joy in belittling parents. Why should anyone belittle the most conscientious hard working group in our society.

I do not tell parents they are good or fine or smart because I want to flatter. Rather I say it because I think it for the most part is true and also because I think without self-confidence in ourselves and our beliefs we cannot adequately function.

And I do not speak of a state of pig-headedness, conceit, or dogmatic conviction. I speak of a self-confidence which comes from knowing ourselves — our capacities and our limitations. A self-confidence which comes from new learnings and constant development.

I know what I offer parents is not easy — Quite the contrary — I place upon ourselves a great responsibility — that of being our own expert — of finding our own answers easier. But I believe that if we demand that each parent be his own expert — only then will we have parents who can rear children who can survive this very tipsy-topsy world.

Let us examine for a few moments some of the things parents have been instructed to do and see if it is really possible to instruct in this business of parenthood. Let me repeat — I do not refer to men of science who observe and try to draw conclusions from his observation.

(1) We are told to love our children. Love is an emotion and I don't know how we can teach a parent love if he doesn't have it. I think if parents would stop listening to every Tom Dick and Harry about love and would stop and examine their own feelings about their own children and would permit their own natural love instincts to shine they would know how to express their love.

Do your remember John Watson and his school of Behaviorism and his strict schedule. Your baby is born, says he like a lump of damp clay — Be strict, be rigid don't spoil don't kiss, Mothers are wicked. Marriage is doomed. Parents believed him. Thousands followed him, and babies starved for affection.

And more recently, we hear a lot about self-demand — interpreted to mean — if your baby cries — you jump — and lots of little unhappy tyrants resulted. But who is saying and who has said — Parents, examine yourself, What do you want to do? What do you think is right? I for one prefer a Mother's or Father's natural instincts which come out when we express ourselves freely and the good that comes from the love and self-confidence of following one's natural instincts. I think we can depend on these instincts.

Have you ever had the experience of watching a mother monkey and her child — and wondered who taught the monkey her love protection warmth?

I think human beings are as good as monkeys — they too can love and protect their children if we will only let them be human and protect their children.

(2) But — some will say what of that dangerous human emotion called Hate. If we are not instructed on how to curb our hate — what will happen to our children. I think parents have been instructed on how to curb their hates. The only difficulty is again — we can't instruct about emotions — what we feel we feel — repress or conceal — so many parents have learned to smile outwardly and hate inwardly — result — colitis, ulcers — and all kinds of civilized ills — on the children's parts — all kinds of vague subtle methods of meeting these new fashioned repressed hates.

Far safer I think — is the parent who says and does what he feels naturally and with assurance — our children can safely respond to our natural expressions of hate — He can take hold of these freely expressed hates — examine them and throw them back to us if he doesn't like them.

I suppose I'm asking for honesty about our emotions — honesty about ourselves with ourselves and with our children. Let's not tell our children they're darlings when they behave like brats — they know what they are, and they will respect us a lot more if they know we are honest with them — and true honesty is an honesty about our feelings

But — you will say — people change — we do not have to remain hateful. Fortunately, this is true. People can improve until the day they are no more.

But we do not improve thru instruction, or formulas, or techniques. Rather thru self examination — self improvement and a desire for self-development.

And now you might ask Does it hurt to listen to experts so-called. I think it can and I think often it does artificially.

And this is how it can hurt us.

A Mother reads that a good mother nurses her baby — for many reasons she doesn't or can't nurse her baby. What is the result? Guilt. A Guilt which hurts her and her baby far more than the loss of the breast ever could.

A Mother reads that a good mother never spanks her child. While Mother restrains herself Johnny teases until Mother hits. What is the result? Guilt. A guilt which hurts Johnny and Mother far more than a good wallop ever could.

The authorities say baby's bath should be fun time — and maybe it should but some mothers don't enjoy giving babies baths — it hurts their backs, and they like other things more — but authorities say that if they are good parents they will enjoy it. — Result Guilt — far more harmful to Mother and child than a brisk rub-down could ever be.

In our household we have three children and we get thru bath time very fast — why — we prefer to linger at the dinner table and to do lots of other things. But some authorities say and let me quote "the parents who really want children are never content to let their baby's bath be simply something they do to get him clean. For most of them the bath becomes fun time.

Take the advice given on the question of diapers. Be comradely when you change your babies diapers. Your aim should not be just to get your baby clean. You should enjoy I think a pretense at pleasure — where there is no pleasure can harm far more than just getting the baby diapered. He begins to wonder what's wrong with a diaper a parent has to try so hard to enjoy.

You all know I could go on endlessly about what good parents according to authorities are supposed to do or not to do. To feel or not to feel.

But let me repeat — examine yourselves — find your own answers through self examination and self development. Its hard work — but it is the only method I know that does work.

Sure read, listen, all your can — but always keep in mind that we can't be told — we 've got to find. out tor ourselves in the form of prescription.

And now about the rights of parents

I have all kinds of books, articles pamphlets in my library. None of them talk about the rights or parents. Some or them hint at it. Some suggest it. But nobody I know has made a real point of it. Why? I've been wondering why.

Are the rights of Parents unimportant?

Are the rights of Parents to be taken for granted?

Are the rights of Parents already clarified?

Or should Parents have rights?

I believe we have a complicated topic here. But one should attempt to answer. I believe that we can find some good answers together.

Always when I am trying to think a problem thru I ask my children what they think. I have a deep respect for little children. I think they are terribly smart. I think they think well. They haven't, been as contaminated by the thoughts of others as we have. They are honest.

So I asked my children — What do you think are the rights of parents, One of them answered well, I believe, when she said — well — Shouldn't parente have the same rights as anyone else? I thought to my self how true but do they?

When our democratic form of government was organized we first wrote a Constitution in order that the rights and duties of the participants are known.

So I believe in establishing a home we should clarity the rights of the participants — today specifically the parents. The rights of children have been announced to the tree tops. They have been publicized so well that in some homes no one has any rights left.

So let us turn our attention to a Bill of Rights for Parents.

Article 1. The right to enjoy life. You might cry Utopia. I would ask is there any point to a life we don't enjoy. Sure people have troubles — lots of them. I know the woes of the world seem too bad to be true, but I think life can be enjoyable, and I think an inalienable right of a parent should be to enjoy life — not every minute but generally speaking we should feel that life is good.

Nov if we ware to become philosophical, and I think we should if we are to seek answers we would of course ask — what is good? what is enjoyable — what do we mean when we say — Enjoy 1ife.

It we are to interpret enjoying life, to mean an increase of recreation such as more time for bridge, television and movIes we would all agree that neither we nor society should have much to gain.

Through a process of education and self improvement however we would find ourselves enjoying 1ife a in more constructive ways. We would find our satisfaction in giving. I don't believe just giving does either the giver or the receiver much good. But a giving because we want to give is good for both the receiver and the giver. Our next question to logically follow then is what do we give if we are to enjoy life — and I would answer every parent should have the right to enjoy life by giving of himself.

But you might say how silly that's the trouble with parenthood. That's all we do is give and give and give — so much so we have no time for ourselves — and here is my point. I don't think that we can enjoy life by that kind of giving to our children all the time. A tired parent cannot give. They're maybe around — but they are not giving. A bored parent cannot give. They're maybe going thru the motions but they cannot give. An over anxious over-protective parent cannot give. They too are always around but they cannot give.

Each of us thru contemplation and self examination must find how to best exercise this right.

Article II. The rights of parents to have feeling of accomplishment about rearing their children. Sometimes it seems as though parents get all the blame and none of the credit in this business of parenthood. So many people are eager and ready to give parents advise — many parents seem to have forgotten how to make a decision about the simplest problems of morality. The endless flow of foolish questions which infer such a lack of self-confidence — What should I do if my child k1cks me in the shin? What should I do if my child wants to hit his sister over the head with a hammer?

I think parents have the right to feel a sense of accomplishment which comes from having enough self-confidence to be able to answer for ourselves the ethical and moral questions necessary to keep a family from taIling apart.

I do not mean by this imposing upon ourselves and our children long lists of rights and wrongs. Restrictions which prevent us from thinking and acting freely. I mean the basic ethical and moral standards which every individual home or society must have if it is to survive.

Article III. The rights of parents to have a feeling of accomplishment besldes their children.

I believe a parent makes a serious mistake when being a parent becomes a full time job. The dangers nare are great. The satisfaction precarious. The results poor.

Until our children reach school age we can save ourselves a lot of frustration if we accept parenthood as just about a full time job-leaving our spare time if any for our husband or wife.

However when the school lends its helping hand and we continue to devote ourselves completely to our home and children, I believe we should examine carefully the present and the future and ask ourselves is this enough?

I believe a mature individual would feel a need for more giving. He will turn his heart and his head to people outside his home — to children outside his own. Each of us must again find our own interests, our own ways. The opportunities are unlimited for he who wishes to give — the world is badly in need of all the help we can give it.

Article IV. Another very important right of a parent is the right to be a husband or wife as well as a mother or father.

So much of the literature for parents tells us what to do and how to teel about our children and here and there advises that you should spare some time for your spouse if you are to succeed as a parent.

If I were giving advise, which I never do, I believe I would rather the cart were turned. I think children would be safer — with parents who devote more love and time to each other — thereby permitting their children to breathe a child's life — less disturbed by parents and adult standards.

And then after giving to parents the right to be a husband and wife I would give to them one more final and important right.

Article V. The right to be an adult and to live an adult life. With this article I would give many things to parents which I have heard many so-called experts take away.

Have your read those popular articles which say "I turn over my home completely to my children. I don't worry about noise, messiness, confusion. My children can do what they want in their own home. Inferring I suppose that parents retire to a small closet — basement or maybe the public library — for peace and quiet. What is accomplished by such tyranny I wonder.

I believe being an adult implies a need for study, thoughtfulness, quiet and order. I think parents should look to their own home for the meeting of these needs.

I believe children acquire their adult standards by observing how their parents live — and if they are to become parents they must witness parents who live like an adult.

But you will say — Children must be noisy-active-and messy- and this I know and agree with heartily — but let us organize our homes and our lives so that the rights of each are respected — self respect and mutual respect would result, I believe, in the happiness and success of both parent and child.

3 new pics that Francois shot last week in Austin

Kim, Melissa (daughter), Simon (Francois and Judy's son)

Kim

Michael and Kim

Vegan Spoken Here

A week ago I was out of control, eating every time I passed the fridge... or so it seemed. For a week I've eaten 3 times a day,  I recorded my food and averaged 325 calories a day less than what the iphone program Lose It claimed I needed to eat to lose 1.5 lbs per week. Result for 8 days: lost 3 lbs. Yea! Only 13 3/4 lbs. to go.

"Vegan spoken here" might seem unnecessary. At another restaurant, a vegan friend ordered vegan quinoa and had to leave it when he discovered it was loaded with cheese.

Snow in Austin this Week

A few days ago it snowed. 

Not enough for a full-sized snowman, 

but enough for a car ornament.

Pictures by Uncle Franc(ois)

Costco

One nice thing about Costco is how easy it is to return what you don't like. I went through the house today and gathered up some recent purchases for return. In the pantry I found 5 cans each of salmon and tuna. The clerk didn't question me about the metal shelves or the water pitcher, but she asked about the fish. "I just couldn't eat them," I said, "I started thinking about how beautiful the fish are and I realized I couldn't eat them." "Are you a vegetarian," she asked. "Yes," I said.

Here's some neat links about fish for those that don't think they are beautiful creatures (I wouldn't eat a rat or raccoon either, though not because I like the way they look) or do think they are beautiful but like to eat them anyway:

OVERFISHING- pocket guide downloads and iphone app
http://www.montereybayaquarium.org/cr/cr_seafoodwatch/  sfw_recommendations.aspx

HEALTH- pesticides, DDT, PCBs, PBDEs, dioxin, mercury etc can be found in fish — especially farmed fish (Target has stopped carrying farmed salmon)
http://www.montereybayaquarium.org/cr/cr_seafoodwatch/sfw_health.aspx

Environmental Working Group has some neat tools/calculators for cosmetics and fish etc. See right hand column for cumulative tuna and other high mercury fish calculator.
http://www.ewg.org/featured/15

Some stick with "molecularly distilled" fish oil pills... or WILD Alaskan salmon from WFM and find that it's both healthier and more sustainable.

Eating Animals

I became a vegetarian after my friend, Carol Berger, asked me if I wanted to hurt animals. I said "no" and that was that. But I moved to Austin about eight years later and got corrupted by a Zen Priest. If she could vow not to kill... and eat meat, then I could too. Or could I?

I'm reading a book, Eating Animals, (sign in "kimmosley" / "kimmosley") by Jonathan Safran Foer. He talks a lot about the fishing and farming industries. He paints pictures very different from the romantic epic of the hunter with the bow and arrow. He mentions how we've reduced the fish population 50x in recent years. He mentions how chickens never see daylight, and live in a space smaller than a sheet of typing paper. And he estimates that the chickens used by KFC in a year would fill up Manhattan... and would hang out from the tallest buildings.

Tomorrow or Thursday I'm going to take back my cans of tuna and salmon to Costco. I'm wondering whether I should tell them that I couldn't participate anymore in the murder of these beautiful animals... or whether I should lie and say that they just didn't taste good. Or maybe I should say nothing.

My recommendation to you. Don't even get near this book if you want to enjoy meat again. And don't watch this video of the author with Stephen Colbert:  http://www.facebook.com/l/ff219;www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/264043/february-08-2010/jonathan-safran-foer " (thanks to B.Q.)

Friends

Here's my oldest friend, Francois... well, not exactly... but we were photo buddies in college and have kept in touch for over 40 years. One time he thought that I should be painting on top of better pictures than the ones I took... so he gave me his bad prints and I painted on them and then won an NEA photographer's fellowship. Another year, he got the same grant. We've had lots of fun together. We both have sons we are proud of, but he has two and I have one. He doesn't have a daughter. I have one I'm proud of too. As you see we are competitive sometimes.

Addictions — a confession...

I stopped the addiction of making art every day... after a run of a few years. I had combined this addiction with constant snacking and constant tv while I was making art. Now I quit the snacking and tv... and the next challenge is to bring the art back.

Snow in Austin this Week? (Impermanence)

I guess I should get used to the weather, as it changes every day. It teases us, doesn't it? We think spring is around the corner, that snow only occurs up north, and then look what happens. And yet we are surprised, over and over again. 

Whipped Creme

Resist Despair

This isn't quite a Buddhist perspective, which I believe would be to embrace dispair, or at least to accept it as part of life. I think what is interesting is how one conquers (or resists) by accepting, as one accepts the opponent's force in aikido.

Capital Wedding

There were a number of wedding photo shoots going on at the Texas State Capital. All appeared to be Hispanics, and all the brides and grooms appeared to be very young, and I don't remember seeing anything that looked like a father.

Texas Urinals

The Driskill hotel is where we'd like our house guests to stay. Rooms are $200 and up. Some are over 400 sq. feet. This is Texas at its biggest. Oh... the urinals have beautiful black rocks in them.

19th Century Guadalupe

Saw a wonderful exhibit at the Mexic Arte Museum in Austin. Going back today for another glimpse. A man came up to me and asked me if I collected folk art. I told him that I make folk art and showed him my iphone drawings. He invited me to join their club. My friends and wife said that I wasn't a folk artist. I disagreed.

The Weather

I've often wondered if we could all agree on the weather. Imagine if we could build a dome over the earth (or have we already done that?) and we could control the weather. Could we decide on a temperature and a humidity? Kind of reminds me of the three bears tasting the soup. Though one bear, at least, found just the right temperature soup. Imagine the debate. The skiers want snow, the surfers want warmth, the birds, the bees, and on and on. It might lead to WWIII! (Thanks to Bea for the original photo taken from her window.)

Super Bowl Sunday (In the Dark)

I wanted to read more about the snow storm Sunday and noticed that a sports event was preempting the wrath of the weather. But I didn't get distracted, figuring that something big was going on and I wasn't going to be a party to it.

Then this morning my neighbor asked if I had people over to see the Super Bowl. When was that, I asked? Oh, yesterday. What is the Super Bowl? I asked. Is it college or professional? He said one or the other... I think professional. Sounded like a favorite was playing an underdog, and the favorite might have lost. I couldn't retain my interest very long to hear the whole story... except something neat about a Austin boy that no one though was pro material because he was so short (my ears perked up, given my less than excessive height). Eventually New Orleans took him and in four years he led them to this big game that was yesterday. He started out the season 13-0, but then lost 3 games.

Then my cousin wrote about the "Who" half-time show in her blog (http://whatmeworryblog.blogspot.com/2010/02/you-be-judge.html) that I watched a few minutes ago. I couldn't watch the whole thing. Something seemed a little sordid about these old guys pretending to be young guys. And the pyrotechnics were not exactly my bag of tea.

So what was I doing yesterday? Reading 70 websites of churches. That's right, one after another, trying to find their essential info for a data base. There is a church for everyone... but that's another story. Hopefully next year, when it is superbowl time, I'll be more with it. Or not.

P.S. I decided to take a survey of whether other people knew about the Super Bowl, so I asked my wife (convenient, if not a random sampling). She taught a Sunday clay class, and said her students were talking about the game. They said that the midget quarterback was actually over six feet. "Six feet," I said, "I thought I had a chance."

P.S.S. Now I'm an expert. I found out that New Orleans won... and you need to be tall to be a quarterback because these guys run up to you with their hands in the air. Is there anything else I need to know?

Spend Local, Send $ to Haiti, or Shop Globally

I'm having trouble with making posts these days. These ideas are rattling in my brain... but I'm a little timid about putting them out there. Here's another:

I like the local businesses in Austin. There is a friendly face that you get to know, and there is a heart that cares that you have come to visit. But there is an element of nationalism to "spending local" and "local" is usually thought of as a very small nation.

My neighborhood elist promotes local businesses as a religion. I don't let people know, but I shop at Costco when I can get something at a better price. And when I can't, I enjoy the little co-op grocery.

I was surprised at apparent inconsistency of the recent posts to contribute money to Haiti. Shopping globally is such a great opportunity to help underdeveloped countries. You might be thinking "hell, help?, we are exploiting them." IMHO, we have created much wealth for India and China, and now we are doing so for smaller and poorer countries.

I expected some support on this from my independent thinking walking neighbor, so I asked him "don't you think it is a contradiction to shop local and give money to Haiti." He said no, because he thinks of local as Earth. Couldn't argue with that!

In case you are thinking I'm having trouble with the "give money to Haiti" part, I don't. I just think we could be helping the world 24/365.

Wise teacher doesn't see elephant?

A few days ago I had this image of a wise teacher standing on the train tracks. A train is rushing towards him, ready to end his life. The teacher was spouting off pearls of wisdom. I admire their focus on the subject at hand. And I admire how they apparently put aside the reality of their situation — that what they teach will in no way avert the train on its path. I'm also disappointed that, in spite of their great wisdom, they are unable to stop the train.

Dispose of Socrates

Heard a dharma talk today about the heart and the mind, and that space below the heart where anger and rage reside. The priest said that when anger and rage move into the heart they disappear. I also learned today that the Chinese have a symbol for heart and mind together. I like that, since (as you probably noticed) I'm a fan of both. Socrates taught the West that all can be understood with rational thought. The poets explain the world through images. Rather than disposing of Socrates, I'm really looking for a way to merge the two — heart and mind, Socrates and Homer.

Non-discursive Thinking

After 40 minutes of zazen, wrestling in my mind with how one might do non-discursive thinking, I was saved by the bell. Then, some refreshments. I told a priest standing around that I'd been thinking about non-discursive thinking. He smiled and I got it. That doesn't work either.

Guess it is back to the drawing board.

Big Trouble/Little Trouble

Lessons of Perspective

I was going to write about my Buddhist sewing class tonight. We all had our troubles. Some (like myself) had to redo lines of stitches because the corner was folded the wrong way. Another one of us cut through his fabric trying to trim an edge. In the next room, a seasoned sewer was trying to hold down a ruler on some slick silk. And our dear teacher was feeling so bad she could neither stand or sit. If the world was in a state of unrest and havoc, then CNN could have covered our epoch in Austin.

So I came home and heated up some soup for dinner.... and started watching CNN's great coverage of the devastation of Haiti. Suddenly our sewing troubles disappeared. We live in a society with a semblance of order. I know where I'll sleep tonight, and know that I'll have good food tomorrow. I realize how fortunate I am to have the luxury to be able to fret about such little things as a few stitches in the wrong place.

I remember as a kid learning about miles, and then light years. Suddenly the mile (made up of countless inches) was diminished to a mere inch when compared to a light year. Haiti teaches us that our most severe problems don't even challenge what that poor country has endured. And that poor country is not alone in this world.

Tomorrow the pest control man is going to come to our house. In an effort to save my artwork from the hungry mouths of insects, their world will become toxic tomorrow. Another Port-au-Prince in the walls of my house.

I tell myself "tragedy dissipates." The last earthquake of this magnitude in Haiti was in the 18th century and 300 years later it was almost forgotten. Another tragedy will come and we'll shift our compassion to another location.

I wonder how to end this post on a positive note. Was it funny to be worried because we sewed a crooked line that was supposed to be straight? And how much shame should we feel when we are bent out of shape with such little things? How much gratitude should be feel because we can engage in such trivial pursuits? And how much gratitude to be surrounded with these lessons of perspective?

(The sewing is a Buddhist Rokasu, designed by the Buddha when he was asked what a robe should look like. He pointed to a rice field and said, "that." It would have been easier if he had pointed to field of snow... but do we really want things easier? Oh, the red material with the white stars is not part of the package. It just keeps her clean!)

Success

My wife and I demolished a closet that was in the corner of the garage. The success is that we didn't get hurt... not even a splinter, though the wall got some nasty dents. Tomorrow will be repair day, with a paint day following that.

More interesting is where did the closet go. We might say, "I put my clothes in the closet." Then the closet disappears. Where did it go? Some of the frame went into our neighbor's garbage can (he's out of town, though might be reading this). Some of it will go in the attic for future projects. But the closet... vanished. Apparently.

Now, more interesting is where do we go when our frame disappears? Do we simply vanish too? Are we anything but a frame around hot air?

Kids Playing

We sat two periods of zazen today, during which time there were a few kids playing in the yard next to the zendo. At first I was annoyed, because I was having my private conversations with myself, and these kids were interrupting me. Then I started to sense it was me, 55 years ago, playing, not them. I moved from the cushion to the outdoors. I realized I was existing in two "time zones" at the same time. Later, after sitting, I saw the kids through the window. They had red shirts on. No, I thought. I wasn't wearing a red shirt that day!

The Answer

We can look both ways, but we can never see what will be next.

What's next?

I asked my teacher if he had anything to ask. He said, "what's next?" Well, I said, "at first..." And I went on and on. Then he told me the answer. Can you figure it out? My wife knew.

But no more!

So I'm thinking of no longer trying to figure "it"* out. When I was at a restaurant tonight, I looked around at people and couldn't see anyone figuring "it" out... so I started to wonder maybe they were just there at the restaurant, eating and visiting with their friends. It looked like they were into what they were doing. I envied them, or at least my perception of them, that they were just there, in the purest sense of the word, not figuring "it" out. How disappointing it would be to read this same post written by someone else at the restaurant.

*"it" is the whole range of things I've been thinking about in my life (but no more), including life, death, and essence... and don't forget beauty. But no more!

Science vs. Religion

I'm wondering what the difference is between science and religion. My walking neighbor (we walk together) claimed that science was about repeatable verifiable physical facts. I mentioned that Buddhists believe that good ultimately comes from wholesome thoughts and actions. That is verifiable in that if you wait long enough the tide will always change. Is that science? And then in science, we work with certain assumptions (based on faith) such as that which we observe is happening. Is there really a sharp distinction between the two, or are science and religion different names for very similar disciplines?

Suppose

Someone told me tonight about how "suppose" interferes with mindfulness. I think she was "right on." As I think "I'm suppose to be ..." my mind shifts from where I am to my parents (or teachers) kibitzing over my shoulder. I am no long lost in play (or work) but having second (and third) thoughts (inhibitions?).

It is no wonder that I hear these edicts. I was taught with a long list of "supposes." And yet to do anything with focus means not hearing those voices but plunging ahead.

I've noticed that when I'm sitting zazen, facing the wall, that a still shadow is in front of me cast from the light on the ceiling hitting my head. I see the shadow and know that it is from my body, but sense that the realizer is not in my body or in the shadow, but rather outside of both. As well, the realizer is not at a specific point in space, but surrounding me in the "ether." It is disorienting to not be where "I" am.

Death

Every time a dear friend dies I revisit my thoughts about death. I told my wife that we are on a train... and one day the train crashes and that's the end. No, she said, we just get off the train when we get where we are going.

I sat (zazen) all morning, and my mind wandered to thoughts of my former student and friend, Robin Valle. She was one of the first of my students to shun classical ideals and had great fun doing her work. I learned a lot from her.

As I was sitting, I put aside the train metaphor, and went to using a stream instead (more of a Buddhist image). I imagined a particular stream (creek) in Oregon that I love. I saw particles clinging to the side, and imagined that from time to time they would catch a breeze and become a bubble (aka life), and start floating down the creek. Some would float for a long time (Bodhidharma lived to be 150!). Others would hit a rock or a branch, and lights would be out. But the creek (aka train) would keep on truckin'.

Acceptance

Not that I'm awakened in an sense of the word (it takes fearlessness to face those demons of reality), but I'm wondering about how one accepts "what is." It is easy to say, "accept things you cannot change, and change things you can." Harder to do. I wish I was taller, especially when I have to get a ladder to reach a few more inches. So do I accept that I need to get a ladder because (outside of painful surgery) my height is not going to increase? Does accept mean embrace? Fall in love with? Be ok with? Tolerate? Any help?

I was so close

I was far far away.

The King

Given that Bodhidharma was sent to China to straighten people up, and did some straightening in the first two questions with the Emperor, I'm beginning to think that the third question, "who are you," means simply "who are you to be contradicting my beliefs."

I showed my photos to Henry Holmes Smith every year or so when I was in school. One time he looked at some strange things I was doing and said, "what gives you permission to do these." I mulled over his question for a year, and actually changed what I was doing in my quest to answer his question. The next year I brought new work. I told him that I had pondered his question for a year. He was slightly embarrassed. He said he didn't mean anything by it. BTW, Henry Holmes Smith made photos with Karo Syrup. He was a legendary artist and teacher.

Bodhidharma

Bodhidharma went from India to China to fix Buddhism there. He met an emperor who asked him three questions: what merit do I get for doing so much for Buddhism (the answer was "none," for doing things for gain is misdirected), what is the essence of Buddhism (the answer was: "vast emptiness and no essence at all!") and who are you (then)? (the answer was: I do not know). There are many variations of the story. Sometimes the last question was asked after he had left. I think the word "then" is essential to the understanding of the last question. The emperor wondered how this man could be before him if he had no essence.

One wonders why Bodhidharma didn't just see this as a "teachable moment" and explain to the emperor why he could appear yet have no essence. Yet explanation would have been a defilement to understanding. He would have given the emperor a false sense of understanding by saying something that logically probably didn't make sense. (The truth being that we have no essence, yet we appear as if we do.) Instead he went into a cave and meditated for nine years. Did he do so to answer the riddle of who he was? Perhaps.

Note that in his frustration to stay awake while he was meditating he cut off his eyelids. Later, monks discovered tea.

Sixth Grade: Feelings of Inadequacy

Here I am in the sixth grade. I didn't like the way I looked then. So yesterday I sent this picture to my sisters and some friends, and they all said that I was cute. Yes, I'll buy that now. But it sure brought back some negative feelings. I went to bed last night not liking myself at all.

Yesterday's Tricycle's Daily Dharma email (see below) talked about the awareness and acceptance. BB was right when he said that my focus on awareness was simplistic. Acceptance is certainly what one also needs to do as they look in the mirror. I heard today about a tribe where the fathers would say "become who you are." What a great way to nurture, as opposed to those that wish to "make people." In the sixth grade (and long afterward) I wanted to become who my parents wished me to be. Not only did I not especially like that person, but it was not, for me, an achievable goal. They would often talk about others who would have been a perfect son. I only am me.

January 1, 2010
Tricycle's Daily Dharma

Getting Along

Mindfulness practice—a profound method for engaging life’s unpleasant moments—is a powerful tool for removing obstacles and rediscovering happiness in relationships. Mindfulness involves both awareness and acceptance of present experience. Some psychologists, among them Tara Brach and Marsha Linehan, talk about radical acceptance—radical meaning “root”—to emphasize our deep, innate capacity to embrace both negative and positive emotions. Acceptance in this context does not mean tolerating or condoning abusive behavior. Rather, acceptance often means fully acknowledging just how much pain we may be feeling at a given moment, which inevitably leads to greater empowerment and creative change.
- Christopher K. Germer from "Getting Along" (Spring 2006) Read the complete article.