Addictions — a confession...

I stopped the addiction of making art every day... after a run of a few years. I had combined this addiction with constant snacking and constant tv while I was making art. Now I quit the snacking and tv... and the next challenge is to bring the art back.

Snow in Austin this Week? (Impermanence)

I guess I should get used to the weather, as it changes every day. It teases us, doesn't it? We think spring is around the corner, that snow only occurs up north, and then look what happens. And yet we are surprised, over and over again. 

Whipped Creme

Resist Despair

This isn't quite a Buddhist perspective, which I believe would be to embrace dispair, or at least to accept it as part of life. I think what is interesting is how one conquers (or resists) by accepting, as one accepts the opponent's force in aikido.

Capital Wedding

There were a number of wedding photo shoots going on at the Texas State Capital. All appeared to be Hispanics, and all the brides and grooms appeared to be very young, and I don't remember seeing anything that looked like a father.

Texas Urinals

The Driskill hotel is where we'd like our house guests to stay. Rooms are $200 and up. Some are over 400 sq. feet. This is Texas at its biggest. Oh... the urinals have beautiful black rocks in them.

19th Century Guadalupe

Saw a wonderful exhibit at the Mexic Arte Museum in Austin. Going back today for another glimpse. A man came up to me and asked me if I collected folk art. I told him that I make folk art and showed him my iphone drawings. He invited me to join their club. My friends and wife said that I wasn't a folk artist. I disagreed.

The Weather

I've often wondered if we could all agree on the weather. Imagine if we could build a dome over the earth (or have we already done that?) and we could control the weather. Could we decide on a temperature and a humidity? Kind of reminds me of the three bears tasting the soup. Though one bear, at least, found just the right temperature soup. Imagine the debate. The skiers want snow, the surfers want warmth, the birds, the bees, and on and on. It might lead to WWIII! (Thanks to Bea for the original photo taken from her window.)

Super Bowl Sunday (In the Dark)

I wanted to read more about the snow storm Sunday and noticed that a sports event was preempting the wrath of the weather. But I didn't get distracted, figuring that something big was going on and I wasn't going to be a party to it.

Then this morning my neighbor asked if I had people over to see the Super Bowl. When was that, I asked? Oh, yesterday. What is the Super Bowl? I asked. Is it college or professional? He said one or the other... I think professional. Sounded like a favorite was playing an underdog, and the favorite might have lost. I couldn't retain my interest very long to hear the whole story... except something neat about a Austin boy that no one though was pro material because he was so short (my ears perked up, given my less than excessive height). Eventually New Orleans took him and in four years he led them to this big game that was yesterday. He started out the season 13-0, but then lost 3 games.

Then my cousin wrote about the "Who" half-time show in her blog (http://whatmeworryblog.blogspot.com/2010/02/you-be-judge.html) that I watched a few minutes ago. I couldn't watch the whole thing. Something seemed a little sordid about these old guys pretending to be young guys. And the pyrotechnics were not exactly my bag of tea.

So what was I doing yesterday? Reading 70 websites of churches. That's right, one after another, trying to find their essential info for a data base. There is a church for everyone... but that's another story. Hopefully next year, when it is superbowl time, I'll be more with it. Or not.

P.S. I decided to take a survey of whether other people knew about the Super Bowl, so I asked my wife (convenient, if not a random sampling). She taught a Sunday clay class, and said her students were talking about the game. They said that the midget quarterback was actually over six feet. "Six feet," I said, "I thought I had a chance."

P.S.S. Now I'm an expert. I found out that New Orleans won... and you need to be tall to be a quarterback because these guys run up to you with their hands in the air. Is there anything else I need to know?

Spend Local, Send $ to Haiti, or Shop Globally

I'm having trouble with making posts these days. These ideas are rattling in my brain... but I'm a little timid about putting them out there. Here's another:

I like the local businesses in Austin. There is a friendly face that you get to know, and there is a heart that cares that you have come to visit. But there is an element of nationalism to "spending local" and "local" is usually thought of as a very small nation.

My neighborhood elist promotes local businesses as a religion. I don't let people know, but I shop at Costco when I can get something at a better price. And when I can't, I enjoy the little co-op grocery.

I was surprised at apparent inconsistency of the recent posts to contribute money to Haiti. Shopping globally is such a great opportunity to help underdeveloped countries. You might be thinking "hell, help?, we are exploiting them." IMHO, we have created much wealth for India and China, and now we are doing so for smaller and poorer countries.

I expected some support on this from my independent thinking walking neighbor, so I asked him "don't you think it is a contradiction to shop local and give money to Haiti." He said no, because he thinks of local as Earth. Couldn't argue with that!

In case you are thinking I'm having trouble with the "give money to Haiti" part, I don't. I just think we could be helping the world 24/365.

Wise teacher doesn't see elephant?

A few days ago I had this image of a wise teacher standing on the train tracks. A train is rushing towards him, ready to end his life. The teacher was spouting off pearls of wisdom. I admire their focus on the subject at hand. And I admire how they apparently put aside the reality of their situation — that what they teach will in no way avert the train on its path. I'm also disappointed that, in spite of their great wisdom, they are unable to stop the train.

Dispose of Socrates

Heard a dharma talk today about the heart and the mind, and that space below the heart where anger and rage reside. The priest said that when anger and rage move into the heart they disappear. I also learned today that the Chinese have a symbol for heart and mind together. I like that, since (as you probably noticed) I'm a fan of both. Socrates taught the West that all can be understood with rational thought. The poets explain the world through images. Rather than disposing of Socrates, I'm really looking for a way to merge the two — heart and mind, Socrates and Homer.

Non-discursive Thinking

After 40 minutes of zazen, wrestling in my mind with how one might do non-discursive thinking, I was saved by the bell. Then, some refreshments. I told a priest standing around that I'd been thinking about non-discursive thinking. He smiled and I got it. That doesn't work either.

Guess it is back to the drawing board.

Big Trouble/Little Trouble

Lessons of Perspective

I was going to write about my Buddhist sewing class tonight. We all had our troubles. Some (like myself) had to redo lines of stitches because the corner was folded the wrong way. Another one of us cut through his fabric trying to trim an edge. In the next room, a seasoned sewer was trying to hold down a ruler on some slick silk. And our dear teacher was feeling so bad she could neither stand or sit. If the world was in a state of unrest and havoc, then CNN could have covered our epoch in Austin.

So I came home and heated up some soup for dinner.... and started watching CNN's great coverage of the devastation of Haiti. Suddenly our sewing troubles disappeared. We live in a society with a semblance of order. I know where I'll sleep tonight, and know that I'll have good food tomorrow. I realize how fortunate I am to have the luxury to be able to fret about such little things as a few stitches in the wrong place.

I remember as a kid learning about miles, and then light years. Suddenly the mile (made up of countless inches) was diminished to a mere inch when compared to a light year. Haiti teaches us that our most severe problems don't even challenge what that poor country has endured. And that poor country is not alone in this world.

Tomorrow the pest control man is going to come to our house. In an effort to save my artwork from the hungry mouths of insects, their world will become toxic tomorrow. Another Port-au-Prince in the walls of my house.

I tell myself "tragedy dissipates." The last earthquake of this magnitude in Haiti was in the 18th century and 300 years later it was almost forgotten. Another tragedy will come and we'll shift our compassion to another location.

I wonder how to end this post on a positive note. Was it funny to be worried because we sewed a crooked line that was supposed to be straight? And how much shame should we feel when we are bent out of shape with such little things? How much gratitude should be feel because we can engage in such trivial pursuits? And how much gratitude to be surrounded with these lessons of perspective?

(The sewing is a Buddhist Rokasu, designed by the Buddha when he was asked what a robe should look like. He pointed to a rice field and said, "that." It would have been easier if he had pointed to field of snow... but do we really want things easier? Oh, the red material with the white stars is not part of the package. It just keeps her clean!)

Success

My wife and I demolished a closet that was in the corner of the garage. The success is that we didn't get hurt... not even a splinter, though the wall got some nasty dents. Tomorrow will be repair day, with a paint day following that.

More interesting is where did the closet go. We might say, "I put my clothes in the closet." Then the closet disappears. Where did it go? Some of the frame went into our neighbor's garbage can (he's out of town, though might be reading this). Some of it will go in the attic for future projects. But the closet... vanished. Apparently.

Now, more interesting is where do we go when our frame disappears? Do we simply vanish too? Are we anything but a frame around hot air?

Kids Playing

We sat two periods of zazen today, during which time there were a few kids playing in the yard next to the zendo. At first I was annoyed, because I was having my private conversations with myself, and these kids were interrupting me. Then I started to sense it was me, 55 years ago, playing, not them. I moved from the cushion to the outdoors. I realized I was existing in two "time zones" at the same time. Later, after sitting, I saw the kids through the window. They had red shirts on. No, I thought. I wasn't wearing a red shirt that day!

The Answer

We can look both ways, but we can never see what will be next.

What's next?

I asked my teacher if he had anything to ask. He said, "what's next?" Well, I said, "at first..." And I went on and on. Then he told me the answer. Can you figure it out? My wife knew.

But no more!

So I'm thinking of no longer trying to figure "it"* out. When I was at a restaurant tonight, I looked around at people and couldn't see anyone figuring "it" out... so I started to wonder maybe they were just there at the restaurant, eating and visiting with their friends. It looked like they were into what they were doing. I envied them, or at least my perception of them, that they were just there, in the purest sense of the word, not figuring "it" out. How disappointing it would be to read this same post written by someone else at the restaurant.

*"it" is the whole range of things I've been thinking about in my life (but no more), including life, death, and essence... and don't forget beauty. But no more!

Science vs. Religion

I'm wondering what the difference is between science and religion. My walking neighbor (we walk together) claimed that science was about repeatable verifiable physical facts. I mentioned that Buddhists believe that good ultimately comes from wholesome thoughts and actions. That is verifiable in that if you wait long enough the tide will always change. Is that science? And then in science, we work with certain assumptions (based on faith) such as that which we observe is happening. Is there really a sharp distinction between the two, or are science and religion different names for very similar disciplines?

Suppose

Someone told me tonight about how "suppose" interferes with mindfulness. I think she was "right on." As I think "I'm suppose to be ..." my mind shifts from where I am to my parents (or teachers) kibitzing over my shoulder. I am no long lost in play (or work) but having second (and third) thoughts (inhibitions?).

It is no wonder that I hear these edicts. I was taught with a long list of "supposes." And yet to do anything with focus means not hearing those voices but plunging ahead.

I've noticed that when I'm sitting zazen, facing the wall, that a still shadow is in front of me cast from the light on the ceiling hitting my head. I see the shadow and know that it is from my body, but sense that the realizer is not in my body or in the shadow, but rather outside of both. As well, the realizer is not at a specific point in space, but surrounding me in the "ether." It is disorienting to not be where "I" am.

Death

Every time a dear friend dies I revisit my thoughts about death. I told my wife that we are on a train... and one day the train crashes and that's the end. No, she said, we just get off the train when we get where we are going.

I sat (zazen) all morning, and my mind wandered to thoughts of my former student and friend, Robin Valle. She was one of the first of my students to shun classical ideals and had great fun doing her work. I learned a lot from her.

As I was sitting, I put aside the train metaphor, and went to using a stream instead (more of a Buddhist image). I imagined a particular stream (creek) in Oregon that I love. I saw particles clinging to the side, and imagined that from time to time they would catch a breeze and become a bubble (aka life), and start floating down the creek. Some would float for a long time (Bodhidharma lived to be 150!). Others would hit a rock or a branch, and lights would be out. But the creek (aka train) would keep on truckin'.

Acceptance

Not that I'm awakened in an sense of the word (it takes fearlessness to face those demons of reality), but I'm wondering about how one accepts "what is." It is easy to say, "accept things you cannot change, and change things you can." Harder to do. I wish I was taller, especially when I have to get a ladder to reach a few more inches. So do I accept that I need to get a ladder because (outside of painful surgery) my height is not going to increase? Does accept mean embrace? Fall in love with? Be ok with? Tolerate? Any help?

I was so close

I was far far away.

The King

Given that Bodhidharma was sent to China to straighten people up, and did some straightening in the first two questions with the Emperor, I'm beginning to think that the third question, "who are you," means simply "who are you to be contradicting my beliefs."

I showed my photos to Henry Holmes Smith every year or so when I was in school. One time he looked at some strange things I was doing and said, "what gives you permission to do these." I mulled over his question for a year, and actually changed what I was doing in my quest to answer his question. The next year I brought new work. I told him that I had pondered his question for a year. He was slightly embarrassed. He said he didn't mean anything by it. BTW, Henry Holmes Smith made photos with Karo Syrup. He was a legendary artist and teacher.

Bodhidharma

Bodhidharma went from India to China to fix Buddhism there. He met an emperor who asked him three questions: what merit do I get for doing so much for Buddhism (the answer was "none," for doing things for gain is misdirected), what is the essence of Buddhism (the answer was: "vast emptiness and no essence at all!") and who are you (then)? (the answer was: I do not know). There are many variations of the story. Sometimes the last question was asked after he had left. I think the word "then" is essential to the understanding of the last question. The emperor wondered how this man could be before him if he had no essence.

One wonders why Bodhidharma didn't just see this as a "teachable moment" and explain to the emperor why he could appear yet have no essence. Yet explanation would have been a defilement to understanding. He would have given the emperor a false sense of understanding by saying something that logically probably didn't make sense. (The truth being that we have no essence, yet we appear as if we do.) Instead he went into a cave and meditated for nine years. Did he do so to answer the riddle of who he was? Perhaps.

Note that in his frustration to stay awake while he was meditating he cut off his eyelids. Later, monks discovered tea.

Sixth Grade: Feelings of Inadequacy

Here I am in the sixth grade. I didn't like the way I looked then. So yesterday I sent this picture to my sisters and some friends, and they all said that I was cute. Yes, I'll buy that now. But it sure brought back some negative feelings. I went to bed last night not liking myself at all.

Yesterday's Tricycle's Daily Dharma email (see below) talked about the awareness and acceptance. BB was right when he said that my focus on awareness was simplistic. Acceptance is certainly what one also needs to do as they look in the mirror. I heard today about a tribe where the fathers would say "become who you are." What a great way to nurture, as opposed to those that wish to "make people." In the sixth grade (and long afterward) I wanted to become who my parents wished me to be. Not only did I not especially like that person, but it was not, for me, an achievable goal. They would often talk about others who would have been a perfect son. I only am me.

January 1, 2010
Tricycle's Daily Dharma

Getting Along

Mindfulness practice—a profound method for engaging life’s unpleasant moments—is a powerful tool for removing obstacles and rediscovering happiness in relationships. Mindfulness involves both awareness and acceptance of present experience. Some psychologists, among them Tara Brach and Marsha Linehan, talk about radical acceptance—radical meaning “root”—to emphasize our deep, innate capacity to embrace both negative and positive emotions. Acceptance in this context does not mean tolerating or condoning abusive behavior. Rather, acceptance often means fully acknowledging just how much pain we may be feeling at a given moment, which inevitably leads to greater empowerment and creative change.
- Christopher K. Germer from "Getting Along" (Spring 2006) Read the complete article.

Arrived in Austin

Phoenix