A=Archie, E=Edith G=Gloria M=Meathead (Michael) J=Joe
E: Archie, I'm flushingggg...
E: You complained about people flushing when you are taking a shower.
A: So telling me doesn't help.
E: At least it wasn't a surprise, Archie.
A: Surprise or no surprise... Scalding water is scalding water.
E: You don't want me not to flush, do you Archie?
A: Just wait and do it later.
E: But Archie, you complained about that last week when Meathead didn't flush.
A: That's Meathead. He leaves it for all to see. Meathead.
E: Ok, I get it. Flush but don't flush. Wait but don't wait. Clear as air.
A: I don't know why this should be so complicated.
E: No, I understand.
A: Will someone open the door... The doorbell is ringing.
E: Yessss Archie.
A: Who's there?
E: It is the plumber, Joe Bazooka
A: What does he want.
E: Money for Sarah Palan for President.
A: A woman can't be president. Woman and negros... they aren't made to be president.
G: Dad, we have a black president. And we will have a woman president. And you...
A: That OhBomba is no president. He is a miscount. And when we do have the wrong kind of person to be president, Edith and me are moving to Russia.
M: Archie, you never give anyone different than yourself credit for anything. What grade did you finish in school. Or did you ever go?
A: When I went to school, they taught us important stuff. Like respecting your elders. What you guys learn is the reason the world is in such bad shape.
G: Dad, I wish you were like a fine wine... but you are more like a warm beer.
M: Yea, instead of getting better with age, you are more prejudiced...
A: Prejudiced... I just know where these unamericans are taking us... and that is why Edith and I are moving.
E: Archie, I'm not going to Russia. I'm staying here with Michael and Gloria.
A: And I suppose you are running for president too. God help us... (Archie stops yelling and comes down the stairs) Hey Joe, you still here? You weren't supposed to hear all that. Just a family getting along.
J: That was evident, Archie.
A: Hey Joe, Can you fix our shower so the water doesn't burn me when an inconsiderate flushes?
J: Sure. Anything for a beer and a hundred dollar bill.
A: The beer will do, but I could just lock the other bathroom when I go up to take a shower.
J: How about your kitchen and laundry?
A: How about this Sarah Pay...land. Why are you promoting a woman? They have too much promotion as it is.
J: Wife said that I either get some dollars for her, or she's going off to work for her.
A: I guess, knowing that, we can still have a beer together.
J: Sure Archie, let's go to the tavern.
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