Friday, October 8, 2010


I started my diet today.

And yesterday, and the day before.

No, I really did it today. My intentions were solid.

Solid? That's a new one.

Yea, I use this iphone app called LoseIt.

I think you've LostIt.

Hey, let me explain.

I'm listening.

Ok, I was getting impatient with my progress, so I set my goal up to 2 lbs a week from 1.5 lbs a week.

That sounds ambitious.

Too. I couldn't get my calories down for more than one day. I'd just be hungry... you know... ready to eat aannyytthhiinngg.

Ok... then what.

Well, I started out today with my normal taco breakfast at the local Mexican restaurant. A couple of corn tortillas, beans, avocado, and rajas. 250 calories.

Hey, this is getting boring.

No... wait... it gets better.

I didn't get home from breakfast until about 11 am... so I just had peanut butter on a cracker for lunch.

I said this is getting boring.

Shh... Then I went to the market to buy some bananas. I forgot until I got there how many free samples they had. I thought this would just strengthen my character... to walk past potato chips, great cheese and crackers, and hibiscus tea.

But you have willpower, right?

Ya know, as I came into the market, my first thought was that I should have had the sailors tie me to the mast... but then I thought I'm strong... and I'm really into this diet today... and those food sirens won't tempt me.

Wait... what is wrong with hibiscus tea? There can't be any calories to that.

Well, that's what I thought. Especially when I noticed that the woman demonstrating the tea was blind. Blind people don't lie... right?

Never. I've never been lied to by a blind person.

Right. So I drank the tea and told her how good it tasted.


She replied that she had a secret.

We all have secrets. What else is new?

No... a secret about the tea. She confessed that she had added apple juice and agave to it.

No... that's criminal... you could have been diabetic and...

Yea... but worse, I was off the wagon. Off... way off. Went to those potato chips that were free and had a handful... then to the cheese... then to the organic cheerios.

That isn't too bad.

Until I came to the free Henry's frozen custard.

You have got to be kidding.

No... I thought... what can one cup of coffee custard set me back?

How was it?


Were you done?

I thought so. I saw some mint and asked her about it. She said it was mint with chocolate chip but that all the chips are gone. Who wants mint custard just by itself?

What happened to those poor chips?

She said she didn't know.

And then?

Then she scooped out another cup and there were two beady eyed chips looking right at me.

Don't tell me you ate that too.


So what's next?



sjpots said...

exactly what "one day at a time means"
you just described my life....

Anonymous said...

Go to Aldi, they never give out free samples. H.

Joshua, 1980